The Massacre of St Bartholomew's Eve

War of God [Episode 1]

Another week, another missing story. The TARDIS materialises on a hot August day near the Rue de Béthisy in 1572.

Hannah: Oh, that's nice. My school looked like that. Almost exactly like that, except without the river. That kind of building, round the corner with a terrace.

The Doctor manages to identify the time and place by overhearing some nearby Huguenots.

Hannah: Ah, Gaston. Very French name.
Me: That's Eric Thompson, he wrote and narrated the English version of The Magic Roundabout. And he's also Emma Thompson's father.
Hannah: Oh, how lucky for the Doctor, they're in Paris.
Me: Yes, it went very well last time.
Hannah: No, he said he wanted to be in Paris so that he could go and visit someone.

So, while the Doctor goes to track down the local apothecary and discuss his germinology work, Steven falls in with the Huguenots at a neighbourhood tavern.

Hannah: I didn't realise the Protestant/Catholic thing was a big deal in other countries, although obviously it must have been; I only got taught about the Tudor era at school. Every year.
Me: Normally they choose periods of history that the audience would know quite well, but this is the one historical story where you're not supposed to know too much about what happens. It spoils the ending if you know what's coming.

In case you're wondering, I didn't tell her the story title. Not only does it give away the ending, but it's also factually inaccurate; the event actually took place on St Bartholomew's Day.

The apothecary fears the Abbot of Amboise's imminent arrival in Paris, and Hannah is intrigued when the Doctor leaves the shop after their chat, apparently having hatched some kind of plan to deal with the Abbot. Elsewhere in the city, a local servant girl is running frantically from her pursuers and is clearly terrified; Hannah's assessment of the situation is fascinating, even by her usual standards.

Hannah: There's lots of lovely lacework in this.

Anne ends up meeting Steven ("He gets into all kinds of trouble") while he waits for the Doctor, but by nightfall it becomes obvious that the Doctor has gone missing, although Hannah is too distracted by Anne's West Country accent to dwell on this for too long. Then the cliffhanger, in which we meet a very familiar looking Abbot of Amboise, takes her completely by surprise.

Hannah: Well, I see! Is it just his doppelgänger by coincidence? Or is the Doctor having a little stint at playing abbot?
Me: You'll have to wait and see.
Hannah: Interesting twist. I'm curious. I really like this story. Again I don't really know this period of history, but it's really well-painted in my ears. You can't see anything but the audio's good enough that I actually know what's going on for once.

The Sea Beggar [Episode 2]

The actor playing Gaspard de Saux-Tavannes, real-world Marshal of France and the main antagonist of the story, certainly has the appearance of a villain. Or the appearance of someone who plays a lot of them, anyway.

Hannah: He looks like Jeremy Irons' grandad or something. Although obviously he doesn't sound like him.
Me: Why his grandad?
Hannah: Because he doesn't really look like him. You need to put enough generations between them.

A pattern is starting to emerge in Steven's behaviour.

Hannah: Apparently this story is called "Steven can't find the Porte Saint-Martin".
Me: What do you think of it so far?
Hannah: I love stories of subterfuge and skulking around in taverns in historical periods. It's maybe a little too much like the French Revolution story, but it's a good enough story with its own unique points so the similarities don't matter too much. It's an interesting period of history, the story is well-told enough that the lack of action sequences isn't as detrimental as usual, and the intrigue is being constantly stoked.

Despite playing two roles in the story, William Hartnell is still absent for this episode.

Hannah: Was he on holiday?
Me: Who?
Hannah: Billy. Or was it just relevant to the plot that he wasn't in this episode at any point?
Me: Probably both.
Hannah: Do you want to watch the rest?
Me: Right now?
Hannah: It's a really good story.
Me: If you like.
Hannah: It's 10 out of 10 so far. Nobody's done anything stupid yet.

Priest of Death [Episode 3]

Hannah doesn't think much of Steven and Anne's choice of hiding place.

Hannah: Oh, so that's their cool idea of somewhere to go where no one will find them. A place where they know he's gone before.

To evade the guards who are looking for them, Steven helps himself to a cloak and hat from the apothecary's shop.

Hannah: Why doesn't she get disguised as well? He could dress her up as a lady or something.
Me: There probably aren't any ladies' clothes there.
Hannah: I suppose. Dress her up as a man then.
Me: It didn't work too well with Vicki in The Crusade.
Hannah: It lasted a whole episode. That's probably long enough.

During the Doctor's prolonged absence from this story, William Hartnell ironically turns out to be the most interesting guest star.

Me: I really wish we could see Hartnell performing as the Abbot. People tend to assume his mannerisms and giggles and "hmms" as the Doctor were spontaneous and that he was like that in real life, but he's so different here; it just goes to show how much of an acting performance it really was.

As usual, Hannah is eager to go into Babelfish mode whenever she hears a French street name.

Hannah: I only know what "fossé" means because there was an Asterix book that I had in French, and it was Le Grand Fossé, which was basically a big crack or canyon.
Me: Oh, Asterix and the Great Divide? I had that one.
Hannah: Yeah. So I know the word "fossé" has several different meanings, but I’m not entirely sure what the best translation is, although I do know it's probably not canyons in the middle of Paris. The "Rue des Fossés-Saint-Germain" could be the "St Germain Road of Alleys", like a road with lots of side roads or "cracks". Or it could also be a "Road of Ditches".

She's still no closer to unravelling the mystery of the Abbot.

Hannah: This is an abbot instructing people to be killed. Doesn't seem very religious.
Me: Well, it does take place during the French Wars of Religion. So do you think the Abbot is the Doctor, or someone else?
Hannah: I don't know. It's a long game the Doctor's playing if it's him. Other characters have mentioned never having seen him before, which suggests that the Abbot could easily be an impostor. Maybe if the Doctor was led off to help the resistance so that they could practise science, then I could believe it, but the Abbot's not doing that; he's the religious leader of the Catholics and he's trying to help crush science, so I don't believe any reason for the Doctor pretending be the Abbot. He's not helping the apothecary in any way.

The mystery is somewhat clarified when the Abbot's body is discovered dead in the street at the end of the episode.

Hannah: It's getting a bit complicated. There's too many characters and I can't tell who's who; I was enjoying it but now it's getting a bit confusing and I'm losing the thread of what's going on a bit, and I don't like politics. Still a good story. The only problem is being able to tell the people in the ruffs apart.

Bell of Doom [Episode 4]

Hannah: Is Anne going to join Team TARDIS?
Me: Er... wait and see.
Hannah: How many stories have there been where the Doctor's just not in it at all?
Me: It depends whether or not you count "Mission to the Unknown".
Hannah: Excluding that.
Me: In that case, this is the first one.
Hannah: This is weird, because he's just not in it. The Doctor is not in it after the first episode.
Me: That's sort of the point of the story though, isn't it?
Hannah: But why would you write a story where the main character isn't there?
Me: Because the protagonist is supposed to be as uncertain about this period of history as the audience. And otherwise you can't create the intrigue about the Abbot.
Hannah: Yeah, but you could write a different story of intrigue.
Me: What for, if this one's such a good story?

She's relieved when the Doctor eventually turns up ("Finally!") and is reunited with Steven, but once he realises the date he suddenly becomes very agitated and gets out of town immediately. Meanwhile, the Queen Mother gives the order to close the city gates.

Hannah: My knowledge of French history is appalling. I'm trying to work out what happens.

What happens is the St Bartholomew's Day massacre, and the TARDIS only just manages to get away from Paris as the slaughter begins. Not that we're spared the spectacle of what happens next.

Me: These are contemporary woodcuts from the British Museum in London.
Hannah: Cool!
Me: Well, that's what they used in the original episode, anyway. I don't know if these are the exact same ones.

[I've since made enquiries about this with Derek Handley, one of the people who worked on this reconstruction for Loose Cannon, who sent me a very helpful reply: "We were lucky that one of the set design photos that was taken in studio showed a print on an easel that would have been used as the photo caption behind the episode titles; the photo wasn't sharp enough to use in the recon, but we knew what the image should look like. Armed with this knowledge, we had someone go to the British Library and he found the original print, which we were able to take a copy of to use. The other images used in part 4 were scans of similar contemporary accounts of the Massacre. Ian Levine had distinct memories of the faces of the characters being superimposed over them in the manner shown in the recon." Thanks Derek!]

Hannah: Contemporary, so all of that... wow. All of these are things that actually happened? I mean, I know there's still room for embellishment, but I just saw a woman who'd had her pregnant stomach cut open and there was a baby hanging out of it. That was an actual thing that someone saw.

Steven is furious with the Doctor for leaving Anne behind to die, and storms out of the TARDIS when it makes its next stop on Wimbledon Common in the mid-60s. Hannah doesn't think much of the Doctor's reasons either.

Hannah: But there are plenty of other times where he saves one person, because it's people that matter. Rescuing one person from the massacre wouldn't have changed the entire course of history. Well, it could do, I suppose.

Shortly afterwards a young girl barges on board looking for the telephone, followed by Steven (who is apparently being chased by the police). The young girl, Dodo (short for Dorothea Chaplet) apparently has French ancestry and an Anglicised version of Anne's surname, leading the Doctor and Steven to speculate that she could be related to Anne. Hannah shrewdly picks up on the writer's attempt to justify the Doctor's actions.

Hannah: Are they trying to say that Dodo is Anne's descendant? So that makes it all okay? He left her there to die because he thought it was the best thing, and now it just so happens that she survived and had children. Possibly. It's probably a common surname.
Me: She does look an awful lot like her, though.
Hannah: Is it the same actress?
Me: No.
Hannah: I thought Steven was genuinely going to leave, but it looks like he's along on the ride for at least one more. I do like him as a companion.

When the Doctor takes off with Dodo, Hannah is appalled; it's Ian and Barbara all over again.

Hannah: No, let her out! Goddammit! He never learns!

Fortunately our latest abductee has no family ties ("He's very, very lucky"), and the episode ends with the Doctor welcoming Dodo aboard the TARDIS.

Hannah: Well, fuck me. He's stolen another one.

The Score

Hannah: It's a very good story, but it feels bad that I want to give 9 out of 10 to a story where the Doctor's not in it for three quarters of the time.
Me: There are plenty of bad stories where he's in it loads. And "Blink" ranked as the second-best story ever in the most recent poll in Doctor Who Magazine.
Hannah: He never explained where he went. He just randomly turns up back at the apothecary's shop and says "sorry I'm late, give me my stick, let's go." Three whole days have passed! Where has he been? So he left Steven alone for three days whilst he went and had a three-day conference with the apothecary somewhere? Then he turns up and realises everyone is going to die tomorrow. Where on earth did they go for three days? That's the biggest plot hole in this whole thing. Everything else is amazing.

9/10

Me: You got my hopes up for a while. I thought this might be our first 10 out of 10.
Hannah: Genuinely this could have been a 10 out of 10, but it got spoilt at the end. I really liked the story and nothing particularly annoyed me until the very end when the Doctor comes back, sentences somebody to death and then steals someone again. Apart from that, the rest of it's good.