The Ambassadors of Death

Episode 1

We only get halfway through the title sequence before we're thrown straight into the story with a scene showing a recovery mission at the Space Centre. Then the title sequence abruptly picks up right where it left off. To my surprise, Hannah isn't even remotely fazed by this.

Hannah: Oooh, a little pre-title thingy. That's the first time they've done a pre-title insert. And I recognise the writer's name.
Me: This is David Whitaker's last script for the series, but he also wrote The Edge of Destruction, The Rescue, The Crusade, The Power of the Daleks, The Evil of the Daleks, The Enemy of the World and The Wheel in Space.
Hannah: Hmmm. Mixed bag.
Me: You gave two of them a perfect score.
Hannah: Well, we'll see.

The recovery mission is overseen by Professor Cornish.

Me: Do you recognise this actor?
Hannah: Yes. I recognise his eyes. (after a pause) He's one of the Dominators.
Me: Wow. I'm very impressed.
Hannah: He has a very distinctive face.

Incredible. She didn't recognise Geoffrey Palmer last week, but she can identify Ronald Allen based solely on the memory of one black-and-white story that we watched two months ago. Anyway, the aim of the recovery mission is to retrieve a probe with three astronauts on board, which disappeared en route to Mars several months earlier.

Me: The story was only filmed about six months after the Moon landing, so space travel was still very exciting and topical at this point.
Hannah: I've just finished listening to the audiobook of The Martian, and it's pretty much exactly this. I wonder if Andy Weir got inspiration from this story.

The Doctor and Liz are tinkering with the TARDIS console.

Hannah: Ew. Wow.
Me: What?
Hannah: His decor.
Me: This isn't the TARDIS.
Hannah: It's got a console in the middle.
Me: It's a UNIT laboratory. He's removed the console and taken it out of the TARDIS.
Hannah: Okay, but it's still "wow, look at that decor." If this is UNIT headquarters, why has it got that lurid stained-glass window? The wallpaper's alright, and the imitation gas-lamp things aren't too bad, but that window sticks out like a sore thumb. Also, how did he get the console through the TARDIS doors?
Me: I can only assume he took it apart and then reassembled it outside.
Hannah: I suppose he's got a lot of time on his hands; he can't be running around saving the world from alien invasions every single day. He must get a bit bored.

The Doctor is attempting to reactivate the time vector generator, but only succeeds in sending Liz a few seconds into the future.

Hannah: It's nice to see the TARDIS again, after not being mentioned for a whole story. Is that time-hop trick going to be relevant to the plot, or was it just to remind people who the Doctor is, in case we've forgotten that he's not just a clever human with interesting social skills?

As the recovery capsule begins docking with Mars Probe 7, Hannah turns her attention to the soundtrack.

Hannah: This music is very odd.
Me: I think they were taking inspiration from 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Hannah: I can imagine it playing in the background of a film where two people are walking down the streets of Paris, or something. Not trying to rescue an astronaut.
Me: Just be thankful there aren't any crumhorns or glockenspiels this week.

When the probe transmits a familiar signal to the Space Centre, the Doctor decides he'd better get down there. Luckily, it's not far.

Hannah: Oh, that's convenient.

It turns out the signal is being transmitted from London...

Hannah: Of course it's London.

...and the source of the transmission is only seven miles away.

Hannah: Oh, how convenient! How utterly convenient!

The Brigadier and his men arrive outside the location: an abandoned warehouse.

Hannah: Is this a famous building?
Me: No, but it is the same one that was used for the plastics factory in Spearhead from Space and Vaughn's factory in The Invasion.
Hannah: Ah, that's why I recognise it. This music is all over the place. Now it sounds like the theme tune for an exciting UNIT spin-off series.

It's not long before the situation escalates into an all-out gunfight.

Hannah: The Brig likes to shoot from the hip.
Me: You think this is a bad plan?
Hannah: No, I mean he's literally shooting from hip-level. It's a lot less accurate, and he's exposing the upper half of his body for no reason; he can't sight his gun or anything. If he's going to shoot so blindly, he might as well stay behind the crate and stick his hand over the top.

After a while, both sides leave their hiding places and the shootout turns into hand-to-hand combat.

Hannah: Why are they leaving their cover? They've all got guns, why are they having a slapping contest? This makes absolutely no sense at all.

The episode ends with Dr Taltalian unexpectedly pulling a gun on the Doctor and Liz.

Hannah: Oh! Who's a naughty professor scientist man?
Me: You've just missed something very important.

I rewind the cliffhanger to see if she notices.

Hannah: What is it?
Me: You know that sound effect over the cliffhanger? The musical sting when it transitions into the credits?
Hannah: The "sheeeeeeeeeooooowwwwwwww"?
Me: That's the one.
Hannah: It's at the end of every modern episode, isn't it? I recognised it, but I thought it was just Doctor Who music. Is this the first time it ever happens?
Me: Yes, it's supposed to make the cliffhangers more dramatic and exciting.
Hannah: It certainly works.

Speaking of firsts, there's another new addition to the credits.

Hannah: "Action by Havoc"?
Me: Havoc are the new stunt team, they were doing all the stunts in the warehouse shootout. One of them, Derek Martin, went on to become a regular in EastEnders.
Hannah: I was going to mention that the hand-to-hand combat is a lot better than it's been before. Except for the two guys who just slapped each other in the face.

Episode 2

Thanks to some simple "transmigration", the Doctor manages to make an entire reel of tape disappear.

Hannah: That's very handy. Why can't he do that trick at any other time?

As the recovery capsule returns to Earth, Professor Cornish tries to keep the mission running smoothly.

Hannah: He is a good actor.
Me: This story is doing him a lot more favours than The Dominators did. Not that it was a tough act to follow.
Hannah: I like the character, too; he's an authority figure who's level-headed and hard-working, which makes a nice change. He also looks awesome without giant shoulders.

The capsule re-enters Earth's atmosphere in a protracted sequence that makes Stanley Kubrick look like Michael Bay.

Hannah: There's a lot of procedural filler here. I know it's for suspense, but...
Me: It's less than a year since the Moon landing, remember? The current trend in films and TV is to make space travel look authentic and realistic.
Hannah: I know, but it's a bit boring if you're expecting an action-packed sci-fi show.

The capsule is retrieved and brought back to the Space Centre, but the police escort is attacked by men with alien weapons (or hairdryers, if you're Hannah). The Doctor manages to trap two of them by activating Bessie's "anti-theft" device and they stick to the car like insects on flypaper.

Hannah: How has he made it sticky?! That's very strange. Surely the anti-theft device should drive thieves away, not keep them holding onto it.

When the capsule is returned to the Space Centre, something is clearly very wrong and the Doctor demands that they cut the capsule open.

Hannah: So much intrigue! So many questions.

Episode 3

Professor Cornish doesn't waste any time sticking his head inside the newly-opened capsule.

Hannah: It's still hot! Don't touch metal that's literally just been cut with a blowtorch!

The craft is empty, and we learn that General Carrington has secretly detained the three astronauts. General Carrington, of course, is played by John Abineri, who has since become more well-known as the butler from the Ferrero Rocher advert.

Hannah: (after a pause) No, I wouldn't have recognised him if you hadn't told me. And I still don't recognise him! I don't even remember what the butler looked like in that advert, and you only showed it to me yesterday.
Me: He's been in Doctor Who before, but it's mildly amusing because the advert takes place at an ambassador's reception and now he's in The Ambassadors of Death. It's just a shame the chocolates are so nasty.
Hannah: My grandma loved them. She always remembered them, even when she couldn't remember most other things.

Carrington tells his scientist Heldorf that the astronauts have become dependent on radiation in order to survive, but Hannah doesn't seem to agree with this analysis, judging from the way she keeps muttering "Bollocks" under her breath. The astronauts are abducted by a criminal called Reegan, a ruthless bastard who indirectly kills his henchmen in the process and buries their bodies in a gravel pit.

Hannah: I like this music. It doesn't fit with the baddies escaping with the astronauts, but it's nice.

Oh, and he has a magic van that can conveniently change its appearance.

Hannah: That's clever, I like that.

Reegan lures Liz down to Hertfordshire with a false message from the Brigadier. This means she gets to drive Bessie for once, but it makes her an easy target in the car chase that follows.

Hannah: It's such a distinctive car. Why would anyone ever think that they could travel undercover in it? And why did she get out when they overtook and stopped in front of her? She could bung it in reverse, or drive off the other way. Is she going to jump in a weir?

Liz tries to escape over a bridge, but topples over the railing towards the water below.

Me: That was actually one of the Havoc stunt team again.
Hannah: Well, yes, obviously. A lady stunter.
Me: There aren't any ladies in Havoc; that was Roy Scammell.
Hannah: What? You mean that was a man in a skirt?

She rewinds the DVD in disbelief and watches it again.

Hannah: Very muscular legs, but it's hard to tell.

Episode 4

The Doctor volunteers to pilot the capsule back into space, but Professor Cornish insists that he takes all the necessary tests first.

Hannah: Are we going to see the Doctor trying not to throw up on the Vomit Comet?

Reegan gives Taltalian an exploding briefcase to finish off the Doctor, but alters the timer so that the bomb goes off in Taltalian's face instead.

Hannah: That's just mean.
Me: Mean? He's been blown up!
Hannah: Well, he was trusting Reegan! He thought that briefcase would end all his troubles. I suppose it did, but in a different way.

Remarkably, the computer equipment in the same room appears to be completely unscathed. In fact, the bomb hasn't even managed to collapse the table it was sitting on.

Hannah: The Doctor was only a couple of feet away and still survived, even though the ceiling has fallen in and the walls have gone wonky. How has he gotten away with just a scratch on his face?

Then we get a very eerie and unsettling sequence with an unstoppable alien astronaut (one of the eponymous Ambassadors of Death) entering a military base, killing anyone who gets in its way.

Hannah: This would be a good time to run.
Me: If I'd seen this episode as a child, I would have been absolutely terrified.
Hannah: It's the lens flare that makes it so creepy. Dark silhouettes of death coming up against the sun. It's very dark and mysterious.

The aliens can kill with a touch, thanks to their natural radioactivity.

Hannah: You know what they remind me of?
Me: Astronauts?
Hannah: Vashta Nerada. Just because they were infecting people who were wearing spacesuits. I found them terrifying, because you literally can't stop them; if you touch a shadow that's infected, you're dead, there's no way out. This is a similar thing, except these ones are unstoppable radiation things; one touch and you're dead, and you can't shoot them. It's terrifying.

The episode ends with one of the deadly aliens approaching the Doctor from behind.

Hannah: What a lively embassy they're from.

Episode 5

Hannah: It's a very good alien design; mysterious and creepy. Faceless creatures are much scarier than big green bug-eyed monsters.
Me: Incidentally, you might be interested to know that the Apollo 13 incident happened during this story. They've blown their oxygen tank since the last episode was broadcast.
Hannah: That's quite a big coincidence. What else do you expect me to say? It's interesting, but a coincidence.
Me: Well, yes, I wasn't suggesting that Barry Letts had organised it as a publicity stunt.

General Carrington's scientist Lennox turns himself in and asks UNIT to put him into protective custody, politely declining Sergeant Benton's offer of a cup of tea.

Hannah: (disgusted) Why would you turn down a cup of tea?
Me: Look!
Hannah: (annoyed) What?
Me: It's Corporal Benton, from The Invasion. He's been promoted now.
Hannah: I don't recognise him at all. All I remember is that you asked me to guess who would carry on being a recurring member of UNIT, and I had no idea.

Reegan infiltrates the Space Centre and makes his way to the fuel tanks at the launch site, kicking people off the gantries as he goes.

Hannah: Another stunt man doing flips.
Me: Yep, more action by Havoc.
Hannah: It's all very quiet. It feels like there's supposed to be music over it, but there isn't.
Me: I thought you'd be grateful for a bit of silence after the last story.

Inevitably, a radioactive isotope somehow finds its way onto Lennox's dinner plate while he's locked up in his cell.

Hannah: Oh, that's a horrible way to die!
Me: Yes, that's why the cup of tea wouldn't have been a good idea.

Despite Reegan's sabotage, the Doctor eventually manages to take off and we get our first glimpse of the rocket.

Hannah: Wow. Oh dear. It's such a rubbish little rocket! It's obviously being held up by something. That's why it's going so far past the top of the screen; you can't see the nose cone because something's holding it. And the Doctor's face is all blue and weird. I suppose it's realistic, considering he's being pummelled in the face by g-force, but what a face to pull.
Me: Now that you mention it, he looks a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr Freeze in Batman & Robin. It's also very convenient that Recovery 7 was ready to go back up into space again so soon. Now the special effects department don't need to build another model.
Hannah: Well, they would have just used the same one and painted an eight on it. Obviously.

The Doctor's reaction to the saboteur: "They're very persistent, aren't they?"

Hannah: That's just a polite way of saying "bloody bastards".

Episode 6

The Doctor's capsule is swallowed by an alien spaceship and he finds himself in the middle of a swirly red abstract tunnel.

Hannah: This looks like a beautiful painting. Is he on a giant green screen?
Me: Barry Letts was one of the early pioneers of CSO. You'd better get used to it, that's the next five years you're looking at.

The Doctor finds the missing astronauts avidly watching a blank screen, apparently under the impression that it's showing a football match.

Hannah: So they must have been locked up in there for at least a couple of days, right?
Me: It must be one hell of a penalty shootout.
Hannah: What are they being fed? Do they eat or drink the same things as the aliens? That doesn't seem very likely.

And then we get our first proper look at the aliens, and it's safe to say that it comes as a bit of a shock.

Hannah: Eurgh! Eurgh! Eurgh!

Reegan returns to the Space Centre to cause more mischief.

Hannah: He's got a blueprint map with him this time. How did he get hold of that?
Me: If they can smuggle radioactive material onto a prisoner's dinner tray, I'm sure they can steal some documents. The real question is why the isotope didn't roll around and make a noise under the cloche when Benton brought it in.
Hannah: They could have at least propped it up with some mashed potatoes or something, to muffle the sound. "Mash Muffle: radioactive isotope served on a bed of mash."

If you're reading this, Heston Blumenthal, feel free to use that one.

General Carrington is finally outed as the villain of the piece, and the episode concludes with him preparing to do his "moral duty" by shooting the Doctor in the head.

Hannah: Are we ever going to see the ambassadors properly? All we've had so far is a face.
Me: Yes, and even that was too much for you.
Hannah: Because it looked like a blue peeling human. Anyway, if these aliens are intelligent beings, why are they just standing around waiting for orders and then doing whatever they're told?

Episode 7

The Doctor sends an SOS signal to UNIT, where it's picked up by Private Johnson.

Me: That's Geoffrey Beevers; he was married to Caroline John.
Hannah: The actress?
Me: Yes.
Hannah: Wait. Which one's Caroline John?
Me: The one who plays Liz.
Hannah: Oh, yeah. I was thinking of Caroline Quentin.
Me: No, she was married to Paul Merton.
Hannah: Well, they're both female-first-name and male-last-name.
Me: In that case, I suppose I should just be thankful that you didn't confuse her with Caroline Lucas.
Hannah: I still didn't hear what the General said.
Me: Something about moral duty, I expect. You could play a drinking game in this episode.

As all hell breaks loose and General Carrington takes over the Space Centre, the Brigadier and UNIT need transport but there's only one car available. No prizes for guessing which one.

Hannah: Ah, fully-armed men in a yellow jalopy, sticking their rifles out of the window. Not that there's a window, there aren't really any sides to the car. Isn't there any way of making it water-tight? It's a very pretty car, but it's not very practical.

At the Space Centre, Carrington is preparing to deliver a live television broadcast with the aim of provoking an international war that will destroy the aliens.

Me: I just want to point out that this is another story that's not about alien invasion. That's two in a row so far.
Hannah: Yes, it's about an alien kidnap.
Me: It's about good aliens! At this point in Doctor Who you're expecting every alien to be hostile, but they're actually peaceful aliens for a change.
Hannah: Peaceful aliens who accidentally kill people. I still think it's odd how suggestible the aliens are; they're just doing what they're told. Why did this guy want to steal them, anyway? I still don't really understand. He bumped into them on Mars, found out that they were going to send some ambassadors down to Earth, and then managed to intercept them just to do some bank robberies?
Me: No, it's Reegan that wants to rob banks. Carrington just wants to wipe them out.
Hannah: But why? Just because they killed his friend by accident? If he thinks they're dangerous, why didn't he just tell someone?

The Brigadier arrests Carrington, and the Doctor releases the captive aliens.

Hannah: The camera's still rolling.
Me: You really think the cameraman would turn it off now? The viewing figures must be through the roof!

Professor Cornish still needs the Doctor's help to exchange the aliens for their own missing astronauts, but the Doctor doesn't seem too concerned. Instead, he leaves Liz to tie up all the loose ends...

Hannah: Why does the Doctor want to leave?

...says goodbye to the aliens...

Hannah: Why is he talking to them? He knows they can't understand him!

...then he swans off back to his laboratory, and the story just more or less ends.

Hannah: That's a rubbish ending! Why is the Doctor... could they not afford to do another rocket sequence, and just gave up? Absolute bollocks. "Goodbye everyone, it's all sorted." No, things could still go wrong! We just have to assume that the exchange goes well; the aliens have taken their ambassadors back and decided not to go back to Earth - "It's far too dangerous there, they're all bastards" - and the guys who were in space have no idea what's going on because they think they've been in decontamination and watching the same football match for three days. Surely the Doctor likes aliens and stuff, so why would he just leave? Is he really that uninterested in anything that's beneath him? "I've done the hard bit, the rest of you can clean up the mess; I'm going to put my feet up."
Me: Well, I suppose he's got a lot of work to do in his own laboratory...
Hannah: No, he doesn't! He has nothing to do!
Me: He's still trying to get the TARDIS console working.
Hannah: Maybe he knows that this particular alien race are never going to contact Earth again, and everything's fine. I don't suppose their findings were very encouraging. "Let's see what the Earth people do. Oh, they seem to kill each other and go places that they're not supposed to." They don't even have a name. And we only see them briefly, as something with a slightly blue head.
Me: To be fair, it's probably more effective that way.
Hannah: Yes. And cheaper.

The Score

Hannah: It was very engaging, and I like the fact that it's not a threatening alien species, but I still find it hard to believe that they can just tell these aliens what to do; I really don't see why they were going along with any of it. What did Liz do in this story?
Me: She fell off a weir.
Hannah: She got captured and then she had to do some science, but I don't think she brought much to the table. It's an interesting mix of political subterfuge, running around a bit, and a weird mysterious alien race that we don't learn much about; it's full of potential, and yet I find it a bit dissatisfying, especially that ending. They could have just shown a scene of... I don't know, anything. Certainly not the Doctor just saying goodbye to everyone and leaving Liz to tidy up the mess. And there's also that scene at the very beginning, where he's just about got the TARDIS working well enough to do little time hops and we find out he can still manipulate those effects when he's nowhere near the TARDIS, like when he made the tape disappear...
Me: No, that was a separate thing. It's just a random trick he can do.
Hannah: And he never does it again?
Me: Maybe he doesn't want to show off.
Hannah: It's weird that they have both of those things at the beginning of the same story, and then they're never mentioned again. The scene with the TARDIS console is interesting, but they had to build the entire set just for that and it's got no relevance to the story. I'm hoping we see some more of that set with the lurid glass window in the next one, otherwise they built it for no reason.
Me: So, to sum up?
Hannah: Again, it was middling. It was enjoyable, and I did like the music, but some parts were too slow or repetitive. At least there was some action.

7/10

Hannah: I've noticed that I keep using the word "interesting". I wish I had a better word for it.
Me: Fascinating?
Hannah: No, it wasn't that good.