Fury from the Deep

Episode 1

Oh, good; a six-part story with no surviving episodes. In the circumstances, I decide to warm Hannah up with a joke before we start.

Hannah: (sighing) Go on, then.
Me: What's Sylvester Stallone's favourite cheese?
Hannah: I don't know.
Me: Rocky IV.
Hannah: I see.
Me: Just trying to lighten the mood.
Hannah: Nothing can help.
Me: What if I told you that this is the last entirely-missing story? There are only three more incomplete stories after this, and they each have at least one surviving episode.
Hannah: Hmmm. Depends. There might be a ten-part story that only has one surviving episode in it. Which turns out to be awful.
Me: Okay, what if I told you that the majority of the next season exists in full? After we're done with this story and the next one, there are only seven missing episodes left to worry about.
Hannah: Just put it on and get it over with.

Luckily she's almost immediately distracted by the writing credit.

Hannah: That surname looked familiar. In fact, that whole name. "Victor Pemberton".
Me: Yes, he appeared in--
Hannah: No, I mean, what's Victoria's surname?
Me: Waterfield.
Hannah: What other Pembertons are there?
Me: You might be remembering him from his acting role in The Moonbase.
Hannah: No.
Me: Are you thinking of Steve Pemberton from The League of Gentlemen?
Hannah: No.
Me: I'm running out of famous Pembertons.
Hannah: No, it's not necessarily Pemberton. Something similar.

The TARDIS materialises in mid-air and descends onto the surface of the North Sea. The Doctor, Jamie and Victoria row to the nearby shore.

Hannah: Oh, the TARDIS has a dinghy?
Me: The TARDIS has practically everything.
Hannah: He landed the TARDIS in the water?
Me: On the water. It dropped out of the sky and landed on the surface.
Hannah: But how? It's not supposed to do that; it's supposed to materialise in place. It doesn't usually fly unless they want it to. Also, what's holding it up? Unless that's the saltiest sea in history.
Me: It can hover.
Hannah: Well, that's the first time it has. It's fallen down a mountain before, so why didn't it hover then?

Her attention is soon drawn to their choice of outdoor clothing.

Hannah: I like the Doctor's bobble-hat. I don't like Jamie's scarf, though, it looks like a ratty old cat-tail. And Victoria's wearing a short skirt yet again. She obviously got over her 19th-century primness very quickly, seeing as she's been staying in short skirts ever since.

It's not long before a playful foam fight breaks out on the beach.

Hannah: Eww. That's disgusting. The foam is all the dirty skanky nasty stuff; it's full of algae and viruses and all kinds of pollutants.

Then they notice a pipeline running into the sea.

Hannah: Yay, a sewage pipe. Go play with it.

A metal box is fixed securely to the gas pipe, and Hannah is surprised to see the Doctor finally come across something he can't open. Luckily, he's got a new toy; he reaches into his pocket and produces a sonic screwdriver, producing sound waves to unwind the screws from the box. Hannah grabs my knee in excitement.

Hannah: You kept that quiet. Well done. It's literally a screwdriver!
Me: Yes, it doesn't have thirty thousand settings yet.
Hannah: I didn't think it came in until a little bit later. I swear in the shops we've seen "Third Doctor's Screwdriver", "Fourth Doctor's Screwdriver" and so on, but I don't think I've ever seen one for the first or second Doctor.
Me: Well, obviously Hartnell never had one, but this screwdriver prop is actually the pen torch that William Hartnell sometimes used.
Hannah: Have I just been wrong, then? Has it only ever been the first Doctor that didn't have one? Have there always been replicas available to buy for everyone else?
Me: Not everyone else, no.
Hannah: Why? Are there other Doctors that never use one?
Me: I'll tell you one day.
Hannah: Fine. But at least that's something to cross off the list of things I was waiting for.

The Doctor and his friends are captured and taken to the gas refinery, where they are accused of sabotage. The stubborn Chief Robson takes a dim view of their interference, but his second-in-command Harris is a much more amiable sort of chap.

Hannah: Everything's quite calm and understandable so far. They could easily have been mistaken for saboteurs, but these people aren't treating them harshly apart from having knocked them unconscious for a bit, and they've apologised for it. In fact it probably would have been fair to be a little bit more harsh; they do look exactly like saboteurs.
Me: Do they?
Hannah: If they turn up in a restricted area that nobody else can get into, and they're fiddling with part of the pipeline, that's exactly what they would look like. Why else would anybody be interested in looking at a pipeline?
Me: I'm not convinced that a gang of saboteurs would dress in miniskirts and bobble hats.
Hannah: I'm glad there hasn't been any shouting and pointing; it makes a nice change. Well, we can't see anything, so I suppose there could have been pointing, but everyone is unusually calm for once.

After being locked up (albeit in an unusually calm manner) our heroes escape and explore the base, but Victoria ends up getting trapped in a room as seaweed pours in through a vent and threatens to engulf her.

Hannah: That's a long scream.

Episode 2

Hannah: I like this furious foam.
Me: Have you worked out who Victor Pemberton reminds you of yet?
Hannah: Yes. The female cyclist.
Me: Which one?
Hannah: Victoria Pendleton.
Me: Oh, for heaven's sake.

Victoria is rescued from near-drowning under the foam.

Hannah: She's up to her neck in porridge. She's gotten over her hysteria pretty quickly, though.
Me: You might have already noticed a preoccupation with the BBC foam machine throughout the Patrick Troughton era.
Hannah: Why? Did he express a liking for it?
Me: No, it just seems to be the production team's favourite toy. This is definitely the foamiest story, but there's another upcoming one that's also very foamy.
Hannah: They probably bought one and then realised they had to use it a lot to justify the cost.

Harris' wife Maggie has been stung by the seaweed at their living quarters. While Hannah is remarking on Maggie's hideous wallpaper, a mass of foam is bubbling and multiplying on the patio.

Hannah: There's a lovely fountain near West Quay Retail Park, but it's never turned on anymore because kids were always pouring washing-up liquid in there and ruining it. When I first came to Southampton it was lovely.

Harris leaves her and goes to find medical attention, hoping that this mysterious Doctor might be able to help.

Hannah: He always introduces himself as "the Doctor" and everyone assumes he's a medical doctor. He really needs to stop introducing himself like that.

While Jamie and Victoria are being told how the gas system works, the Doctor tells Robson about a strange movement he heard coming from inside the pipe on the beach.

Hannah: Earlier they were locked up, then they broke out, got into trouble, and now they're being given a tour of the place.

Before the Doctor can break into a spirited rendition of "I Heard it Through the Pipeline", Harris turns up and begs for his help. Meanwhile, back at Chez Harris, a couple of engineers - Mr Oak and Mr Quill - have turned up on Maggie's doorstep like a sinister Laurel and Hardy.

Hannah: I don't trust them, he's got a sing-song voice. Very odd.
Me: Then you'll be glad to hear that the other one never talks. They're like the Penn and Teller of the gas refinery.

Thanks to Australian censors, we get to see a thoroughly disturbing piece of surviving footage: Oak and Quill move towards Maggie with their hissing mouths wide open, choking her unconscious with their toxic emissions.

Hannah: That's horrible! Not nice at all. Terrifying mouth make-up, too. Are they human and turning into something else, or are they something else trying to be human?

The episode ends with the base crew realising that there's something "down there, in the darkness, in the pipeline, waiting."

Hannah: It's not a proper cliffhanger, it's just someone saying some words.

But at least the creepiness isn't lost on her.

Hannah: It's very dark and tense.
Me: What do you think is in the pipeline?
Hannah: Sentient seaweed. Or something that's using the sentient seaweed. Or it's all just a misunderstanding and there's a regular blockage, like some eroded pipe debris, and the two weirdos that killed the woman upstairs are just weirdos who kill people. I don't know.

Episode 3

Me: Believe it or not, this is our 200th episode.
Hannah: I can't believe we've managed to get here. It's all so different from how it started; everything's changed so slowly that I haven't really noticed the transition as much while we've been watching it, but if I went back and watched the first one again it would be like getting kicked in the kidneys.

Hannah has already worked out that the seaweed is being repelled by Victoria's screaming.

Hannah: If it doesn't like high-pitched noises, is the Doctor going to use the sonic screwdriver to fight the seaweed later?

Our heroes sneak off back to the TARDIS to analyse a seaweed specimen.

Hannah: It's in the middle of the ocean! They had to get back in the dinghy and row all the way back out there to analyse it? They should have moved the TARDIS while they were there.
Me: They can't control where it goes, remember? They would have just ended up somewhere else, like a space station full of Cybermen.
Hannah: It's been on the back of a wagon before.
Me: I don't think you could tow a police box across the sea with a rubber dinghy.
Hannah: Why not? The Doctor could set it to weightless or something and have it bobbing along like a balloon.

Astonishingly, it turns out that the seaweed is "just as alive as you and me."

Hannah: Well... yes! It's alive! Plants are alive! What they're trying to say is that it's a sea monster.

Robson is furious that Harris has let his "prisoners" wander off.

Hannah: I love how these three are the most unrestricted prisoners ever; they've just been left alone and allowed to go off and do science experiments because their "guard" is busy worrying about his wife.

The Doctor consults a book of legends and superstitions, and finds a page with the parasitic seaweed creature on it.

Me: Did you ever watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Hannah: It happens in Grimm as well; they look up every monster in a book of Grimms' Fairy Tales. Do they look things up in Charmed?
Me: You don't honestly think I've ever seen an episode of Charmed, do you?

Robson has well and truly lost his temper by this point.

Hannah: I think he's gone far enough to be removed from office on the grounds of insanity or something.
Me: He's not insane, he's just a bit of an arse.

Victoria has been observing ("whining" may be a more appropriate word for it) that the TARDIS keeps landing them in dangerous situations.

Hannah: I feel a departure coming up. She doesn't want to stick it out.

The last scene takes place on the beach ("That's very pretty"), and the episode ends with another hauntingly low-key cliffhanger when Maggie goes all Reggie Perrin and walks quietly out into the sea.

Me: That would have been such a good scene if it still existed.

Episode 4

Victoria is still longing to be somewhere peaceful and happy.

Hannah: She's got a point, you know. I know it wouldn't make good television, but there must be some planets out there where they'd get invited for tea and get on with the aliens.
Me: Not at this rate. This is the fifth story in a row where they've landed on Earth.
Hannah: Is this the first time a companion's had a proper old think about leaving, and doesn't want to be there anymore?
Me: What makes you think she's definitely leaving?
Hannah: She doesn't want to keep on travelling, she wants to stop; it's obvious they're building up to her departure. I suppose Ian and Barbara discussed it a lot, but they were just waiting for an opportunity to get back to their own time, or as close as they could get. Everyone else just carried on going, until they either suddenly decided to leave or the Doctor decided for them.
Me: Yes, this is the first time they've tried to set it up in advance.
Hannah: She's talking about it an awful lot. It kind of suits her character; she's intelligent, so she knows that it's dangerous to keep doing these things and that she's out of her depth. She can enjoy it to a certain extent, but being whipped around the universe, constantly in danger, and having all these adventures in a row without a breather... she's right to question it.

Megan Jones, chief executive of the board, has arrived to start setting the refinery to rights.

Me: That's Margaret John, the saucy potty-mouthed elderly neighbour from Gavin & Stacey. She also plays the grandmother in the David Tennant episode "The Idiot's Lantern".
Hannah: I don't remember that one.
Me: She loses her face.
Hannah: Oh, yeah. I don't like that episode much because it's to do with face horror.
Me: Unfortunately they didn't take the opportunity to say "I find your lack of face disturbing."
Hannah: Anything else?
Me: She also appeared in two episodes of Game of Thrones, apparently.
Hannah: Oh, she's the old woman who looks after Bran in the tower!
Me: There's a character called Bran?
Hannah: Yes.
Me: As in...
Hannah: Yes.
Me: Alright.
Hannah: Anyway, it's good that she's turned up; we can finally get some authority back in the base now that Robson's gone crazy.

By now, Victoria's unhappiness with her lifestyle is getting more than a little repetitive.

Hannah: It's interesting that Victoria is complaining about her unfortunate string of adventures, and it's nice that they're addressing it, but now she's mentioning it so much that it's getting really annoying.

Episode 5

Hannah: Have they even considered the possibility that the weed is just misunderstood and it's trying to communicate?
Me: No. Seaweed is horrible, it's one of the reasons I've always hated going to the beach. It's disgusting enough when it's just lying there on the shore, never mind trying to possess everyone and saturate the British Isles.

Having decided that some of the service engineers must be under the influence of the weed, the Doctor and his colleagues don't bother doing anything about it and continue discussing the matter right in front of Mr Oak and Mr Quill.

Hannah: So they've just established that there's at least one person in the base who's under the control of the creature, and now they're talking freely about everything they know, working out a plan without establishing who could possibly have been turned. And the two people who have been turned just happen to be in the room with them, standing there and listening to everything! It's not very intelligent, is it?

While Jones gives the Doctor the benefit of the doubt, and he retorts that it's nice to be trusted ("Condescending bum-hole"), Harris is lamenting that the Doctor was unable to help his wife.

Hannah: His wife's still missing, right?
Me: Well, she walked into the sea, so I'm not sure whether "missing" is quite the right word.
Hannah: She might have survived.
Me: Maybe.
Hannah: She might have grown gills or something.

At one point Hannah asks me to clarify a plot point for her, and I'm forced to admit that some of the finer details are washing over me (so to speak). Watching a reconstruction is a very bittersweet experience.

Me: To be honest, I'm not really paying as much attention to the dialogue as usual; I keep trying to imagine what these episodes would have looked like.
Hannah: Oh, reconstructions have just become part of my life. This is what the episode looked like as far as I'm concerned.
Me: This is our...
Hannah: Trillionth reconstruction? Yes.
Me: Close; it's our eighty-fifth.
Hannah: It's even worse when there are hardly any photos of a certain actor, so we have to see the same images every time they speak. Look, that guy's always got his eyes closed.
Me: You're a fine one to talk.
Hannah: Oh, a clip! That means someone is about to die.

The Doctor confirms his suspicion that someone amongst them is "under the control of the weed."

Hannah: Someone's been smoking a fat doobie.

When the weed starts expanding and bursting out of the pipeline into the room, Hannah seizes on this apparent subtext with obvious delight.

Hannah: It's a pipe full of weed; this story is clearly about drugs. And all that foam is like smoke.

Robson, now under the effect of the weed, takes an unconscious Victoria to a cliff-top.

Hannah: Is he going to throw her off a cliff? She'll certainly stop complaining after that.
Me: Ah, but will you?
Hannah: I never stop complaining.
Me: You used to like her, you know.
Hannah: So many opportunities, and all she can do is complain.
Me: She has had a rough time of it lately, to be fair.

He carries her into a waiting helicopter and takes her to the control rig. After pursuing them in another helicopter, the episode ends with the Doctor and Jamie confronting Robson in a foam-filled cabin.

Hannah: It's not much of a cliffhanger, considering they're expecting to find him down there. He's just standing there waist-deep in foam, like he's in a Jacuzzi.

Episode 6

Me: How are you finding this adventure so far?
Hannah: It's alright.

Robson recoils at Victoria's scream, so the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria make their escape.

Hannah: I'm very annoyed that screaming is the weapon. I can't stand people screaming and high-pitched noises.

Our heroes hijack Robson's helicopter, but the Doctor seems to be having some trouble with the controls.

Hannah: Oh, good. The Doctor's going to crash some more vehicles.
Me: It can't be that difficult. He can fly a TARDIS.
Hannah: Barely.

Back at the base, the Doctor has realised that the weed is vulnerable to the sound vibrations in Victoria's scream. It's only taken him five episodes.

Hannah: The grand finale is just going to be Victoria screaming into a tube.
Me: It could be worse; in the original script, the monster was defeated by Jamie playing the bagpipes.
Hannah: That would have been fine, but it wouldn't have as much meaning behind it. Victoria is upset about being scared all the time, and her being scared is what saves them. That needed to be in there, because it gives it a little bit more depth; it wouldn't have been as good a story otherwise.

Thankfully, we get to see some short but impressive extracts from the final battle against the creature.

Hannah: The monster looks like something you'd pull out of the plughole in the shower if you hadn't done it for a couple of weeks.
Me: Speak for yourself.

The seaweed creature is finally defeated by getting Victoria to scream into a tape recorder and amplifying the sound wave ("It's like her last hurrah"), but we're still halfway through the episode.

Hannah: This isn't the end, so what happens?

Then the Harrises have everyone round for dinner.

Hannah: They're just sitting around having a chin-wag? Usually the Doctor just buggers off to the TARDIS before all the clearing up is finished.
Me: They've defeated the monster with half an episode to go, so it's gone all domestic for a change. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hannah: It's weird.
Me: It's nice, though. I always enjoy a serene epilogue to the main plot, where everything's a bit more relaxed and they can enjoy a well-earned rest.
Hannah: It's jarring! I'm constantly wondering when is the monster going to pop its head up again.
Me: It's less abrupt this way, you get to unwind and--
Hannah: No, we're not unwinding in the slightest, because it's not the end and I don't know how much episode is left so I'm constantly waiting for the monster to appear again and kill someone before they can defeat it. That's what usually happens when the narrative finishes much too soon; you always know there's going to be a round two.

Victoria wants to stay behind, and the Harrises are happy to have her ("Well, that's helpful and convenient"). Victoria reassures Jamie that she'll be happy here, and that the Harrises are very nice people.

Hannah: Yes, but you're imposing on them.

The next morning, Victoria says goodbye to the Doctor and Jamie. Unfortunately, with no existing footage, we have to make do with a static image of the back of her legs in that short skirt. Not that I'm complaining.

Hannah: Well. What a shot.
Me: Yes, it's something to remember her by.

Despite having thrust his companion upon them, the Doctor believes that she'll be alright with Harrises...

Hannah: Unless they turn out to be cannibals.

...but Jamie is inconsolable.

Hannah: Oh, Jamie...

An emotional Victoria watches as the TARDIS rises above the water into mid-air and dematerialises.

Hannah: Oh, that's sad. But you saw it coming for so long, because of the way they approached it. It's more believable this way; I mean, it's a bit annoying that she's been going on about it so much, but it was obviously playing on her mind a lot. It makes it feel different; less abrupt and not so much of a wrench, but it still feels sad that she's made that decision. And the Doctor has been very logical about it, asking if she's sure and giving her an extra day to make up her mind, as opposed to when he kicked Susan out and told her to naff off and make her own life.
Me: Are you going to miss Victoria?
Hannah: Yes, I miss all the companions a bit. I feel like she wasn't happy at any point, so I fully understand why she's decided not to come with them, but I think perhaps she should have stayed a little longer; I'm sure there were plenty of things still to come that she could have been excited and interested about, so it's a shame.
Me: By the way, this is a story in which no one dies.
Hannah: That's disappointing. Why did no one die?
Me: The monster's victims are possessed, not killed, and it turns out that the ones who appear to die - like Maggie - are just being held captive at the control rig after they've taken a bracing stroll through the North Sea. Why is that disappointing?
Hannah: Because it is! I expect people to die in Doctor Who.
Me: You're so bloodthirsty
Hannah: The show is bloodthirsty, usually. It's odd when you've got a story that appears to put everyone's lives in extreme danger and then nothing happens.

The Score

Hannah: It's really hard to judge this one, because there's almost no footage of anything at all. I like the idea of accidentally hoovering up a monster in your pipes, and it takes over people without anyone noticing, slowly trying to take control of the base but being a bit clumsy at it. There are so many failed attempts at trying to take over the rest of the base that it's slightly laughable; pumping it half-full of foam doesn't feel that intimidating. The monsters themselves look quite scary from what we can see - moving plants are always good - but there wasn't enough of them. We didn't see very much.
Me: That's probably for the best.
Hannah: Most of its presence was just foam, and the threatening atmosphere it creates. It was alright, but we didn't actually find out why it wants to dominate the world. Realistically you wouldn't expect to get an explanation, but I always like it when you can understand the monster's point of view. So... there's no proper explanation, a lack of threat at some points, the fact that nobody dies even though they've had their body chemistry changed, and the big weapon was Victoria screaming; I find all these things a bit irritating. And it was maybe slightly too long.

7/10

Me: This is the only Patrick Troughton story where the title doesn't begin with "The".
Hannah: Why?
Me: Why not?
Hannah: I find that annoying. Either do them all the same, or have a mixture. Don't just have one that's different. You either have Spaghetti Hoops or Alphabetti Spaghetti, you can't have a bowl of hoops and one letter. It's just wrong.
Me: What about a bowl of hoops and the letter O?
Hannah: Depends how similar they are.

The Web of Fear

Episode 1

Me: Okay, this is the other previously-missing story that was recovered at the same time as The Enemy of the World; until 2013 we only had the first episode but now it's almost complete, except for episode 3.
Hannah: It's called The Web of Fear. Like The Web Planet.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a sequel.

This episode picks up where the last one left off, with the TARDIS crew clinging desperately onto the console to avoid being sucked out of the doors. The Doctor struggles to regain control of the ship but, as Hannah predicted last time, the cliffhanger is resolved in short order and we segue to a creepy museum.

Hannah: Ah, it's a fuzzy thing and a man in a hat.

The old man's daughter identifies the fuzzy exhibit as a Yeti robot, and helpfully reminds us that it can't be re-activated without a control unit.

Hannah: Why do they all know these things? It's just weird.
Me: Because he was there!
Hannah: Was he? I don't recognise him.
Me: It's Professor Travers, the Englishman from the Tibetan monastery in The Abominable Snowmen.
Hannah: I don't recognise him.
Me: No, well, he's about thirty years older now.
Hannah: Oh. Was that supposed to be obvious?
Me: He literally just told us that he brought that Yeti back from Tibet thirty years ago.
Hannah: I just thought he'd gone over there, found something and brought it back; I was wondering how they could possibly know all these things.
Me: No, it's Deborah Watling's father again, but he's made up to look like an old man this time.
Hannah: Not sure he looks old enough.

Hannah is surprised to see the Yeti again so soon, a mere two stories after their last appearance.

Hannah: I thought it was over and done.
Me: It's worth keeping an eye on these Yeti, actually; one of the actors will become a semi-regular character later in the show.
Hannah: Okay. When he turns up again, I'll do my best to recognise someone whose face I've never seen.

After getting snared in some intergalactic cobweb, the TARDIS eventually arrives at its next destination.

Hannah: Why does the TARDIS always land on a planet with a breathable atmosphere?
Me: I imagine they probably land on other planets but they move on straight away without sticking around, and the BBC never bothers to televise it because it would be so boring and pointless.
Hannah: Fair enough. I like that they were standing around eating sandwiches, anyway. Didn't they have processed cube meals or something in the first series?
Me: Something like that, yes.
Hannah: But they can actually have proper sandwiches with sliced bread?
Me: I don't know. Maybe they stopped off at Subway on the way.
Hannah: Subway doesn't do sliced bread.

Speaking of subways, the TARDIS has landed in the London Underground. It hasn't escaped the Doctor's notice that they keep landing on Earth.

Hannah: Oh, he's addressing it, is he? They do seem to be landing there a lot.

Hannah is instantly struck by how good the Covent Garden tube station is looking.

Hannah: Did they film it in the actual London Underground, or have they built a set?
Me: They did ask for permission to film there, but London Transport said no.
Hannah: So they did it anyway?
Me: No, they built such a realistic set that London Transport sent the BBC a letter of complaint, claiming that filming had been done on their property without permission.
Hannah: (laughing) I like that. The set designer should have been given an award for that. Give them an extra £50 this week for being so good at their job.

Then she opens up a can of worms.

Hannah: So what era is this?
Me: Oh, god...
Hannah: Because you said Tibet was the thirties...
Me: It's about modern day, give or take, but... well, it's complicated. There's a huge fandom controversy about the dating of all the "present-day" stories from the seventies, and this is where it all starts; they're often assumed to be a short distance into the future, but nobody can agree on how far and it affects the dates of some other stories - like this one - that take place earlier on. It's really not worth getting into it here, unless you enjoy that sort of thing. Basically this adventure is set anywhere between 1968 and 1975, depending on who you ask.
Hannah: Well, it's obviously not much later than that; look at those newspaper headlines. "Londoners Flee! Menace Spreads". They don't write them like that anymore. It's all "Slag on Benefits Marries an Immigrant" these days.

Central London has been shut down and abandoned, and the deserted London Underground network has been infested with Yeti and cosmic webbing. Hannah seems impressed that the Doctor happens to have a mini-meter in his pocket for measuring electrical current (just wait until she sees Tom Baker's inventory); not to be outdone, the Yeti are also showing off a new bit of kit.

Hannah: Oh, they have cobweb guns!

The episode ends with a pile of webbed-up explosives being detonated right next to the Doctor.

Hannah: Oh, so it's a cobweb that can hold back the explosive force of dynamite, or C-4, or whatever it was.
Me: The web wouldn't be much of a threat unless it was that strong. And it did manage to hold the TARDIS.
Hannah: Yes, but... eurgh, what's that?

The credits for each episode of this story are shown over an electronically-distorted film of cells dividing.

Hannah: It looks like bacteria. I like that, it's a weird little touch. Apparently, saying "Eurgh, what's that?" is indicative of something I enjoyed.

Episode 2

Hannah is already full of praise for this story.

Hannah: I'm worried that as time goes on, and they get more money and technology, I'm going to have to start giving every story 10 out of 10.
Me: I don't think you need to worry about that.
Hannah: There's a lot of depth in these camera shots. Not just people moving sideways, but they've got people at the front and people at the back. The direction is really good; lots of cutting between things, which they didn't used to do so often. It helps build the drama. Who directed this?
Me: It's Douglas Camfield again.
Hannah: Excellent.

Jamie and Victoria are reunited with Professor Travers.

Hannah: Is this the first time they ever meet someone again?
Me: Yep. It's been thirty years for him, but for them it's only been a few days.

They've been escorted to an army base at Goodge Street where Travers, his scientist daughter Anne and a group of soldiers are trying to find a solution to the Yeti infestation.  Not that the army boys are having much luck with their firearms.

Hannah: Have they not developed an EMP yet?
Me: You said the Yeti were too cute and cuddly last time. What do you think of their makeover?
Hannah: I didn't notice there had been one.
Me: The production team also thought that they looked too cute, so they've been re-designed to look scarier. Now they're slimmer, they've got big claws, they roar, and they've got glowing red eyes.
Hannah: Okay, yeah, I can see that they're slimmer, which definitely helps. It makes them less cute, definitely. Although those marks on their chest makes it look like they're wearing suspenders or dungarees.
Me: How do you think they made the roaring noise?
Hannah: Is it just a person?
Me: No.
Hannah: Is it an animal?
Me: No.
Hannah: (wearily) Is it someone farting through a tube?
Me: You're getting warmer.
Hannah: Fart in a washing machine?
Me: It's the slowed-down sound of a flushing toilet.
Hannah: (laughing) Really? Okay. Sound-effects artists are awesome.

While Victoria and Anne have a cosy chat ("Is it weird for Deborah Watling to play against someone who's playing her dad's daughter?"), a conflict in the tunnel comes to an abrupt end when the Yeti turn and leave.

Hannah: Has the Doctor gone and got his own little toys, and now he's remote-controlling them away? He hasn't turned up yet, so if it's not the Doctor that's done it, he's definitely on holiday.

Travers and Anne are called away from the laboratory ("They've left the soldering iron on!") when a strange fungus starts engulfing Euston Square.

Hannah: It doesn't really look like fungus. It looks more like bubble bath.

Victoria slips away into the tunnels to look for the Doctor.

Hannah: Is Victoria going to die?
Me: Yes, that's why the Victoria Line is dedicated to her memory.
Hannah: I don't believe you. Not since you tried to convince me that Jamie was dead in The Ice Warriors.
Me: Well, the Victoria Line opened a few months after this. It can't be a coincidence, can it?
Hannah: Of course it can.

The return of the Yeti can mean only one thing: the Great Intelligence is back.

Hannah: How did Travers re-activating that one Yeti lead to so many more operational Yeti turning up, plus all the fungus?
Me: Maybe the Intelligence had them shipped over from Tibet?
Hannah: Why does the Intelligence want to fill the London Underground with foam? It just seems like it's turned up and thrown some Yeti underground and now they're filling up the Northern Line with some bubble bath for no reason.

Episode 3

It's time for a missing episode; please mind the gap.

Me: This telesnap reconstruction was actually produced by the BBC and released on DVD, so hopefully you'll find it slightly smoother than the fan-made ones we usually watch.
Hannah: Is it full of fondue and jazz?
Me: Not that smooth, it's just been cleaned up a lot more than usual. It's still a bloody slideshow.

Victoria finds the Doctor wandering around in the tunnels, accompanied by an army colonel.

Hannah: Who's that?
Me: He hasn't been in it yet, he's only just turned up.
Hannah: Maybe the Colonel is the earthly conduit for the Intelligence.

The newcomer introduces himself as Colonel Lethbridge-Stewart; Hannah recognises the name and, out of some vague awareness of how important he's going to be in the future, lets out a small cheer of recognition.

Hannah: Well, their old commanding officer was a bit shit. Finally someone with a bit of authority has turned up, so maybe things will start going better now.

A briefing in the Goodge Street common room reveals that a strange mist over Hyde Park has been covering the entire above-ground area within the Circle Line.

Hannah: Why is it on the Circle Line? Why hasn't the invasion been in the Houses of Parliament, or an airport or something? Why is the London Underground full of fungus and Yeti and some strange mist? It's still not making any sense.

With Jamie roaming around in the tunnels, Anne tries to reassure Victoria.

Hannah: I don't know if I like her.
Me: Why not?
Hannah: I don't know. She seems very nice.
Me: Yeah, it's so unnecessary.
Hannah: I don't trust nice people who smile a lot when everyone's in danger.

The cliffhanger involves Travers being menaced by a Yeti, which (somehow or other) has been hiding behind a door. With a traitor at large in the base, Hannah starts considering the possible suspects.

Hannah: I thought someone searched the place and said there was no Yeti; that means the person who did the searching was in on it too. Chorley's bad, but I think he's just self-interested and wants to get out, so I think the person who searched the entire base for Yeti and didn't find any, and then let one stay around to kill someone, is most likely to be the one who's doing the naughty.

Episode 4

The Colonel's party plots a route to Holburn via Tottenham Court Road, down to Leicester Square, and up past Covent Garden.

Hannah: I've forgotten why they're doing this.
Me: I think they're playing Mornington Crescent.

Now that we're back in the realm of moving footage, Hannah finally gets to see the Colonel in action.

Me: Does the Colonel seem familiar to you?
Hannah: You told me he was someone else, but I can't remember who.
Me: Nicholas Courtney also played Bret Vyon in The Daleks' Master Plan.
Hannah: Is he the one that was killed by his sister?
Me: Yes.
Hannah: He doesn't look familiar at all.
Me: Probably that military moustache he's sporting now.

Someone is being possessed by the Intelligence, and with the raging paranoia in full-swing, everyone has been written to appear as suspicious as possible.

Hannah: I see what you mean about building tensions and distrust of each other; things keep happening while other people are gone. I don't know who the traitor is anymore; it could be literally any of them.

The Colonel and his men are mounting an expedition to Covent Garden in an effort retrieve the TARDIS.

Hannah: I like him, because he's not letting emotion get in the way of things; he's very calm and calculating. It doesn't matter whether he believes it or not; if there's a possibility that it can save lives, he's going to look into it, even if he thinks the Doctor is completely delusional and the transport just turns out to be a wagon. He's a very calm character, although you're probably supposed to assume that he wants it for his own agenda.
Me: Did you say wagon?

To my surprise, Hannah recognises the music during the battle at Covent Garden Market.

Hannah: Oh, it's the same music! It's the Yeti music!
Me: It's the Cyberman music.
Hannah: Is it?
Me: Well, technically it's stock music, but it's the same stock music they've been using for all the Cyberman stories so far, and for some reason they've also decided to use it for the Yeti in this episode. Actually I think this is the last time it ever gets used on Doctor Who, because all the other Cyberman stories have their own composer.
Hannah: Oh yeah, there was no music in the other Yeti story, was there? It feels silly, using it for this.
Me: It's a piece called "Space Adventure".
Hannah: Well, they're not in space.

The Intelligence has temporarily possessed Professor Travers so that it can give the Doctor an ultimatum.

Hannah: Lots of twists and turns in this story. Maybe it's too bendy, I don't know; you think you've got a hold on the small amount you can know, and then the plot goes somewhere else. And I still have absolutely no idea why the Intelligence has invaded the Circle Line using cobwebs and fungus. It's completely bizarre, and it's taking far too long to make any kind of sense.

Episode 5

The Intelligence has created a machine that will drain all knowledge and experience from the Doctor's mind. (I believe our local supermarket uses something similar for their staff training exercises.)

Hannah: What's wrong with just asking questions? It's just rude. Why not invite him to tea and have a conversation?

The Doctor is given twenty minutes to turn himself over to the Intelligence.

Hannah: What does the Intelligence want? It hasn't said it wants to conquer the universe or anything; it just wants knowledge. The Doctor hasn't even asked what it wants the knowledge for.
Me: It's clearly not up to any good; I think the events in Tibet have set a bit of a precedent.
Hannah: Yes, well, obviously it's evil of some kind. But if it's world domination, it's doing it really slowly and weirdly and stupidly, and if it's a particular resource it wants, it's going a very strange way about getting it.

The Doctor and Anne reprogram one of the control spheres so that the Doctor can control it with his voice.

Hannah: They've made a remote-control ball.
Me: What do you think of Anne? I'd say she's companion material.
Hannah: I don't know if you're saying that as a hint or not, although I don't think you'd be so blatant. She's certainly a lot more handy than some others.

The Doctor uses the reprogrammed sphere in a captured Yeti so that he can command the robot.

Hannah: It's very slow.
Me: Maybe it's a weak signal. When I'm on the London Underground I can't even get a signal for my phone, never mind my Yeti.

Staff Sergeant Arnold, last seen getting engulfed in fungus during the previous episode, has turned up again seemingly unscathed; Hannah finds this highly suspicious, but she doesn't have much time to reflect on it before the fungus starts flooding into the room, disintegrating the wall into pointy shards of masonry.

Hannah: Oh, no. It's splitting the wall like it was made of crisps.

Episode 6

Hannah: Only one episode left, and we still have no idea why the Circle Line is so important to the Intelligence's plans. Surely there were easier ways to get the Doctor into the same position.

The Doctor and Anne lead their converted Yeti along the tunnel to Piccadilly.

Hannah: So they've got their pet Yeti. Their Peti.
Me: Yes, very good.

Hannah's suspicion falls on the sleazy journalist Chorley, who has suddenly turned up again after going missing in the tunnels three episodes ago.

Hannah: He's the only one unaccounted for. Walking around all this time and not being captured, when trained soldiers have been captured... yeah, not suspicious at all.

At Piccadilly, the Doctor takes a moment to assure his colleagues that everything is under control before agreeing to co-operate with the Intelligence.

Hannah: The Intelligence and the Yeti are letting everybody do whatever they want; they're perfectly fine with everyone having a little chat before they get on with their business. The Yeti don't seem threatening or forceful in the slightest; if they come for you, they growl a bit but they only want you to walk in front of them. And if you stop, they'll stop. It doesn't really seem like they're forcing anyone to do anything; they're just an honour guard rather than any kind of force.
Me: They're acting as a physical presence for the Intelligence.
Hannah: They're letting people run away left, right and centre! I know they've improved the design to look more intimidating, but they've just made a slightly more intimidating piece of candy floss; it's still candy floss, and it's not really that scary. The claws look good, but we don't actually see anyone getting slashed in half.
Me: Really? You want to see the Yeti go into Wolverine mode and mutilate someone?
Hannah: Well, yeah, that's the problem; it's an early-evening show so you can't have blood and gore, even though you can see people get shot or Dalek ray-gunned to death. The Yeti don't actually kill anyone on-screen. You don't see them break someone's neck, or hit anyone so hard that they fall down and don't get up; they probably can't actually hit anyone at all, because the costumes are so unwieldy. But it just means that they're not particularly scary, because they look like these great big puppet things waving their arms around.
Me: So you think they should be going around massacring people?
Hannah: Yes, otherwise they're just big fluffy creatures. The point is, it doesn't look like they're physically capable of doing any of the things that they're supposed to be threatening...
Me: Of course they do, they're huge!
Hannah: They're like Totoro; they're great big fluffy things with claws.
Me: Totoro would be scary if he had glowing red eyes and roared like a toilet. I wouldn't want to be waiting at a bus stop with him.

It turns out that Staff Sergeant Arnold was the traitor all along. Oh, and he died two episodes ago.

Hannah: Now I'm trying to remember if I believed that he was the Intelligence at any point. Obviously coming out of the fungus unharmed was a bit of a giveaway.
Me: Well, not exactly unharmed. He's dead.
Hannah: But was he not the Intelligence before that? Or was he only the Intelligence after he died?
Me: The Intelligence is reanimating his corpse.
Hannah: In which case everyone was being suspicious for no reason, because he wasn't even there for all that time.

The Doctor is hooked up to the brain-draining machine, but Jamie suddenly orders their voice-activated Yeti to turn against the others and smash up the apparatus ("A good old Yeti-on-Yeti fight!"), ruining the Doctor's plan to destroy the Great Intelligence. The Intelligence retreats for the time being, leaving the Doctor angrily speculating that it might come back one day.

Hannah: No shit, Sherlock. It's already come back once.

After some hasty goodbyes, our heroes make their way back along the tunnel to Covent Garden and the TARDIS.

Hannah: So the fungus has gone, then?
Me: Looks like it.
Hannah: Why? How? So they've blown up another pyramid thing, and somehow that destroyed all of the fungus?
Me: Well, presumably it all dissolved when they cut off the Intelligence's contact with Earth.
Hannah: So it wasn't a real fungus, it was just a brain thing. Right.

The Doctor hurries Jamie and Victoria along the tracks, just in case the trains unexpectedly start running again.

Hannah: Oh yeah, they'll suddenly start the trains again. While London's still abandoned.

The Score

Hannah: So, just as I suspected, it didn't explain at any point why the Intelligence wanted to take over the London Underground as a trap for the Doctor. All it wanted was the Doctor's brain, so it decided to pour fungus into the London Underground and chuck some Yeti in there as well. None of that makes any sense; it might as well have used the Royal Albert Hall and filled it up with Skittles.
Me: I'm not sure Skittles were around in 1968.
Hannah: It's all very convoluted. I don't understand why this entire story happened.
Me: Okay, how about this. We see the origins of the Great Intelligence when it reappears - played by Sir Ian McKellen - in the 2012 Christmas special "The Snowmen", which obviously takes place before these earlier appearances. At first, Matt Smith's Doctor doesn't realise who it is, and at one point he shows it a map of the London Underground in 1967 and notes that it's a key strategic weakness.
Hannah: So the Doctor accidentally tells the Intelligence something that it uses against him later?
Me: Yes. Does that satisfy you as an explanation?
Hannah: Not really, no.
Me: What about the atmosphere?
Hannah: It works, because you've got a group of people trapped underground and none of them trust each other, but it's not as good as it could be; the paranoia could have been a lot more terrifying, a lot more nail-biting. The concept of having lots of people trapped underground and not being able to get out; that was convincing, with people trying to abandon ship and not being able to, and having to come back again. Once you realised that Chorley was genuine when he was saying "I've been running around for hours and I have no idea how I've survived and all I want to do is leave," that helps. And Evans constantly wanting to desert, that's convincing; annoying, but convincing. Some people keeping their heads and some people not, that feels true to that kind of situation. But there's just not quite enough of an edge to the whole thing. These new Yeti are a bit better, but they're still not scary, and taking over the Underground just doesn't seem like a big threat. I mean, obviously it's fairly inconvenient if you want to use the trains, and people die if they get in the way, but other than that, it doesn't seem to affect anything else. And the whole thing was resolved by taking the Doctor into a room with delicate equipment, and then they smash the delicate equipment. It just feels very anti-climactic.

8/10

Hannah: It was doing really, really well, but then it started falling apart. It was so good that I was thinking this might be the second perfect score in a row; I was happy the Yeti were back, because they're cute and I like them, and the idea of them meeting someone again for the second time was a really good plot point. And then it just started breaking apart a bit. It had good characters, good acting, good sets, good everything else, but the ending lets it down.

The Enemy of the World

Episode 1

Hannah: Six real episodes!
Me: Yep; the next two stories - both six-parters - only had one surviving episode each until October 2013, when almost all of them were discovered in Nigeria just in time for the 50th anniversary. So now we've got eleven out of those twelve episodes, and we can watch two stories that we couldn't have done if we were doing this five years ago.
Hannah: Can you write something in the blog to express my interest and delight, and my bewilderment that people are still finding things?
Me: Don't worry, I'll think of something. Anyway, enjoy this one, because the fact that it even exists is a minor miracle. I'm still not over it, to be honest.

The TARDIS materialises on a beach ("He's landed it upright this time!") and the Doctor gleefully goes for a paddle in his long-johns. Incidentally, the sight of Patrick Troughton frolicking on the beach was one of the major revelations when this episode was discovered; it really makes you appreciate how much of his performance is lost when you've only got the audio. But we don't get much time to appreciate it before the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria are chased down by some murderous trigger-happy Australians.

Hannah: Wow. It looks like a horrible seaside.

Our heroes are rescued by a woman named Astrid.

Hannah: "Astrid"? So they re-used the name for Kylie Minogue?
Me: It's not really re-using names, is it? They've used it twice in 40 years.
Hannah: I didn't even know it was a real name; I thought they just used it in "Voyage of the Damned" because it was an anagram of "TARDIS".

Hannah can't help but notice how unusual this episode is.

Me: What do you think so far?
Hannah: Interesting.
Me: It's very different, isn't it?
Hannah: Yeah, it's very in-your-face. It's very orchestral music, too. Feels like a film score.

She also notices the expiry date on Astrid's pilot's licence.

Hannah: Ah! So it's sometime now?
Me: This adventure is set in the year 2018, so for the first and only time we're watching a story in the year it takes place. And nobody even knew which year it was until these episodes were discovered.
Hannah: That's awesome, because you get to see what kind of ideas they had about the technology we would have by now, like Back to the Future: Part II and the hoverboards. Although this is a sixties-style helicopter, so they haven't really thought that far outside of their own box. And those hovercrafts existed as well, so that's not very futuristic for the sixties either.
Me: Quite advanced for Doctor Who, though. This story has definitely got a lot more scope than usual.
Hannah: Yeah, it's unusual to be able to afford a helicopter and a hovercraft. What corners have they cut to afford that?
Me: Well, Episode 3 is noticeably cheaper than the others; the cruel irony is that it was the only one that existed for 45 years, so most people never got to see any of the expensive stuff until now.

Astrid takes the Doctor and friends back to her living room.

Hannah: That's some disgusting wallpaper.
Me: That must be the kind of wallpaper they had in 2018.
Hannah: I've just noticed Jamie has changed his clothes; he's not wearing his little hoodie anymore. I like him wearing a hoodie and a kilt.

When their pursuers catch up with them, Hannah is amazed that the Doctor's case of mistaken identity still hasn't resolved itself.

Hannah: They must be completely blind; they're shooting at him from up close, and they still think he looks like somebody else.
Me: Well, you don't know how similar they look yet.
Hannah: Is it going to be Troughton playing him? Just like Hartnell got to play the bishop or whatever in The Massacre?

The Doctor is the exact double of Salamander, allegedly a ruthless tyrant who wants to be dictator of the world, but hailed as its benefactor for his efforts to relieve global famine. Once again, the Doctor is suspiciously ignorant of these major global events.

Hannah: I like how he always says they've been out of touch for a while... it's like in The Moonbase when they didn't know that Earth's weather was being controlled, even though it affects the entire planet. Everyone was literally wondering where they've been all this time.
Me: Imagine how you'd react if you met someone who lived in America and looked exactly like Donald Trump, but had never heard of him; that's the level of incredulity we're dealing with here.
Hannah: Yeah, they keep turning up in these places where literally everybody should know something, like the fact that the whole planet has been enveloped in a new Ice Age, and the Doctor has no idea. If you'd been living on this planet, even with one eye open, you'd know about it. He always says he's been away, and everyone always believes him.

Amongst his achievements, Salamander has discovered a way to catch and store the sun's energy and solve many of the world's famine problems.

Hannah: I know why he's called Salamander; it's because salamanders are traditionally associated with fire, and he's some kind of sun god. (long silence) Perhaps. Also, what country is he supposed to be from?
Me: That's supposed to be a Mexican accent.
Hannah: Really?
Me: I'm not saying it's the best Mexican accent ever or anything.
Hannah: I bet Troughton was having fun. Hartnell must have had fun, too.
Me: He was playing the same character for 45 episodes a year, so yeah, it must have been nice to play someone different.

Astrid's boss, Giles Kent, wants the Doctor to impersonate Salamander; Hannah is all for it ("I want to see him dressed in something else") but the Doctor is less willing until Kent calls for Salamander's head of security, Bruce, so that the Doctor will be forced to impersonate his way out of trouble. ("Sneaky bastard.")

Hannah: It's very gripping; it's a modern, upbeat, exciting story.
Me: Most people compare it to James Bond; it's like the Doctor Who version of You Only Live Twice, which came out earlier in the same year. We've got people going undercover, exotic locations, helicopters, volcanoes, high-speed chases...
Hannah: Turtlenecks...

Episode 2

Hannah's attention is focused on Salamander's assistant Benik, played by Milton Johns.

Hannah: He looks familiar.
Me: He's in a couple more Doctor Who stories in the seventies, but I don't think you'd know him from anything else. Unless you recognise him as an Imperial officer in The Empire Strikes Back.
Hannah: Could be. Got a picture? He's not one of the ones who gets throttled, is he?

A quick Google search brings up a repository of Star Wars information called Wookieepedia.

Hannah: Yeah, I think I recognise him. Not that I've watched the Star Wars films all that often, but he has got a distinctive face. Yay, I've recognised a person!

Jamie engineers an opportunity to heroically "rescue" Salamander so that he and Victoria can go undercover and infiltrate his base.

Hannah: Jamie is developing like crazy! He's becoming a proper adventure hero; punching people, jumping out of bushes, and lying to a dictator's face. You'd never know he was he was a boy who had recently been taken out of pre-modern times and thrown across the universe.

Salamander has a knack for predicting natural disasters.

Hannah: So. Not only does he have a monopoly on solar power - because he can direct it wherever he wants - but he also seems to be able to predict volcanic eruptions, which makes me think he's probably using solar energy in some way to trigger volcanic eruptions so that he can influence people. Let's see where this goes. He's definitely doing it on purpose.

I try to convince her that the camera crew went out and filmed footage of an erupting volcano specifically for this episode, but for some reason she doesn't believe me, especially after I admitted that the exploding helicopter in Episode 1 was taken from From Russia with Love. Either way, she's enjoying Troughton's performance as the Doctor's doppelgänger.

Hannah: Troughton has some good faces; his Salamander face is different, almost like a constant snarl, but tamed down so that it looks like he's smiling. I'm curious as to whether there's going to be a giant plot twist, now that we've been convinced Salamander is bad. We've seen his coercion and his finger-clicking commands, but what if he really is trying to save the world and his personality can't be helped? Maybe everyone else is too stubborn to listen to his advice, and he needs to use blackmail and manipulation to carry out his plans.

Episode 3

Victoria is introduced to Griffin the chef, whose Eeyore-like pessimism immediately wins Hannah over: "First course interrupted by bomb explosion. Second course affected by earthquakes. Third course ruined by interference in the kitchen. I'm going out for a walk. It'll probably rain..."

Hannah: I like him.

Jamie suspects Salamander might be causing the earthquakes.

Hannah: Do catch up, I was saying this last time. He does look quite good in military leather, though.

Benik pays a visit to Kent's trailer, and throws his weight around by smashing a framed photograph.

Hannah: Bitch. By the way, that guard's helmet looks like a giant coffee bean. A white chocolate-coated coffee bean.

Then, just to show how much of a ruthless villain he is, he also breaks all the dinner plates in the kitchen sink.

Hannah: Absolute bastards. That's just mean and unnecessary. What's he going to do, open all of the food tins as well?

Benik tells Kent that there's not much point in him staying anymore.

Hannah: Why, because he's got nothing to eat off? I like his character as well. If he thinks he can drive someone out by smashing all their crockery, that's a very strange method of coercion.

Hannah remarks that she's finding a lot of characters in this story to be fairly well-rounded and interesting; the chef, however, is starting to grate (sorry).

Hannah: He's going a bit far now. It's starting to get overdone.
Me: Is that a pun?

Astrid, Jamie and Victoria stage a rescue mission, but it doesn't go very well; the prisoner is shot down, and Jamie and Victoria are arrested. Hannah finds their efforts underwhelming, to say the least.

Hannah: Well, all of this has been a bit shit.

Episode 4

Kent reassures Astrid that the botched operation wasn't her fault.

Hannah: Yes it is, they're shit.
Me: Have you ever tried to break someone out of prison? It's very hard.
Hannah: Then they should try harder.

Hannah is enjoying the spectacle of Doctor Who doing an espionage thriller, but some elements aren't quite working for her.

Hannah: They're trying to have some spy action but they're having the same problem they've always had, which is that the hand-to-hand stuff isn't very good.

After spending her whole life being blackmailed and controlled by Salamander, the defiant food-taster Fariah supplies incriminating evidence to the Doctor and is brutally shot dead for her trouble.

Hannah: This is all very harsh. And she never got to see justice. It's very sad. Poor Freyiwhatsherface.

Salamander opens a secret panel in the wall and climbs into a small capsule.

Hannah: Is it like a Stargate sarcophagus, and he's actually immortal because he keeps going inside a machine that keeps prolonging his life?
Me: No.
Hannah: That's disappointing. Or is it energising him, somehow?
Me: It's a lift.
Hannah: Oh. At least you've got something to write about.

The elevator capsule takes him down to an underground complex.

Hannah: There's people down there! They've got very funky clothes. Look, one of them is wearing a chequered chef's dressing gown.

Salamander has been keeping a team of people hidden away in a subterranean bunker for the past five years, having convinced them that the surface has been devastated by nuclear war.

Hannah: There are people living underground who think that everyone on Earth is dead? This is a really awesome twist. It does raise the question of who built the bunker, though, but I assume they were all killed by Salamander so that he could keep his secrets.

Back on the surface, the Doctor is just finishing his makeover when an unexpected visitor walks through the door.

Hannah: I wish it could be Salamander, even though it clearly isn't because he's down a hole. I can't wait for them to be face-to-face. Maybe it'll happen later.

Episode 5

Hannah: I'm really curious about this underground base. These people obviously weren't born there, so how did he convince them to go down there and how did he convince them to stay down there and that the world is rubbish? Is he trying to destroy the world so that it eventually becomes true? He's far too laid-back for things to be out of his control, especially when smoking his cigar like that; he's clearly got a plan, and it's clearly going fine.

The Doctor's surprise visitor is Bruce (again); the Doctor manages to persuade Bruce that Salamander might not be everything he seems, winning his trust by returning his gun to him after Astrid disarms him. Bruce reasons that the Doctor must be either very clever or a complete fool.

Hannah: Both, because he's the Doctor.

When the story cuts back to Salamander's underground bunker, we still can't get over the very distinctive fashion sense.

Me: I wish we could see the colours of these jumpsuits.
Hannah: I am curious. He's got arrows all over his!
Me: No two are the same, either. There's no uniformity, they're all uniquely weird patterns.
Hannah: Maybe it was a last-minute thing to throw everyone in a bunker, and everyone just had to wear whatever they could get their hands on.
Me: But why have they got their hands on this? One of them is wearing a kimono!
Hannah: They all look spotless as well. This bunker must have excellent laundry facilities.

Their leader, Swann, is starting to have doubts about Salamander and insists on being taken up to the surface. Salamander asks Swann to trust him.

Hannah: A blackmailing serial liar? Of course I don't trust you!

Time to check in with Jamie and Victoria.

Hannah: Oh yeah, they exist. I'd forgotten all about them.
Me: Yes, well, there's a lot going on.

Benik is taking a sadistic pleasure in their imminent torture.

Hannah: He's a proper little shit. He really belongs in a film.
Me: He is in a film; it's called The Empire Strikes Back.
Hannah: I know, I mean this character! In fact, he may even be a little bit over the top. Just a bit.
Me: He's enjoying himself.
Hannah: Well, I suppose you've got to do something to make up for that haircut. He looks like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber.

The Doctor tricks his companions into believing that he's Salamander so that he can convince Bruce of their real motives. Then he has to convince them that he's not Salamander by pretending to play an invisible recorder at them.

Hannah: That is very clever, even if he terrified Jamie and Victoria. And obviously he wasn't going to have his recorder in his jacket pocket, so I like him playing the air recorder.

The episode concludes when Astrid finds Swann above ground, dying in the undergrowth near the cave entrance.

Hannah: That's really sloppy work. Kill him in the cave and make sure he's absolutely dead; don't lead him too close to the opening, hit him, and then not make certain that he's actually gone. If you've got all these mad clever plans to take over the world, you don't just hit someone and leave them where they could be found. Hide the body. It's just basics.

Episode 6

After the cliffhanger reprise ("Last week's was better"), and once Hannah has made the unfortunate discovery that I can't make it through this story without singing David Bowie's "The Man Who Sold the World", we come to the confrontation between Kent and Salamander. Eventually it becomes clear that Kent knows about the bunker, at which point the Doctor drops his act and reveals it was him all along. Hannah is shocked to discover that Giles Kent was a bad guy after all, intent on taking Salamander's place.

Hannah: I didn't suspect him at all. At any point. Even if I went back and watched it all I don't think I could suspect him, even when I already know.

There are actually three Patrick Troughton performances in this story: the Doctor, Salamander, and the Doctor pretending to be Salamander. Another actor might possibly have been tempted to interpret those last two roles in more or less the same way, but when we go back and re-watch the scene knowing that Salamander is really the Doctor, we can see how subtle it is; the differences are obvious when you're looking for them, but also understated enough that we didn't pick up on it the first time around.

Me: There's so much nuance here that would have been completely lost before these episodes were recovered, back when we only had the audio. Look, you can see the difference in his face as well.
Hannah: Yeah, it's kind of screwed up a bit more. Less open. The accent is slightly softer, too. And Salamander keeps saying "eh", but I don't think the Doctor does that when he's being Salamander. What were we watching recently, where someone was trying to do an impression of somebody else doing an impression of someone?
Me: No idea. Are you thinking of the classic Chuck Jones short Rabbit Fire? There's a scene where Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck disguise themselves as each other and try to speak with each other's voices, and Bugs Bunny's imitation of Daffy Duck is noticeably different from Daffy Duck's imitation of Bugs Bunny.
Hannah: Maybe.
Me: It's actually really hard to make the two voices distinctly different, and not let them meet in the middle and sound exactly the same; Hank Azaria said he once tried to do it, along with the rest of the cast of The Simpsons, and none of them could manage it.
Hannah: That's because Mel Brooks is amazing.
Me: Mel Blanc. Mel Brooks is the Jewish comedian who made The Producers, Spaceballs and Young Frankenstein.
Hannah: Oh yeah, Mel Blanc, sorry. I knew it was Mel B but it wasn't a Spice Girl.

Kent legs it and comes across the real Salamander in the cave system. Salamander shoots Kent, but he retaliates by pulling a lever that triggers a huge explosion throughout the caves and the research centre.

Hannah: Well that's a bit careless, having a lever that blows everything up. Anybody could have pulled that.

Back at the TARDIS, Jamie and Victoria are waiting patiently. When the dazed and disoriented Doctor finally arrives and they escort him on board, I can tell Hannah is genuinely distressed.

Hannah: Oh god, no! It's Salamander! They've taken Salamander into the TARDIS!

Luckily the real Doctor turns up in the nick of time, and the two Patrick Troughtons fight it out against the TARDIS console.

Hannah: I'm glad they finally came face-to-face. And it doesn't look bad at all! It looks realistic, not like one of them is a man in a wig. When Hartnell was fighting his robot double in The Chase, it didn't look anything like him. And that fight was so slow and staged, it was awful; at least this is quick and they're throwing each other around.
Me: Just think, five years ago we had no idea how they'd done this or how good it looked.

The TARDIS dematerialises with the doors open, and Salamander is sucked out into the time vortex.

Hannah: What a horrible way to die. You shouldn't be able to leave without shutting the doors first; there should be some kind of fail-safe. It's probably another one of those things the Doctor has turned off because he doesn't know how the stupid thing works. He leaves the handbrake on, so it wouldn't be surprising if he's fiddled with the settings and turned off the child-locks.

The episode ends with the TARDIS doors open in mid-flight and the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria desperately clinging onto the console.

Hannah: There's no sense of closure!
Me: That's because it's a cliffhanger ending. To be continued!
Hannah: They can't go back, so it's not "to be continued", it's just "shut the doors and they'll be fine." But we don't know if all the people got out of the bunker, we don't know if the world went back to normal, and we don't know if he died.

The Score

Hannah: So much has happened over those six episodes; I don't think there was too much wasted time, which is often a problem. It feels like we've just watched some kind of three-hour action film.
Me: We have, more or less. Doesn't really feel like Doctor Who, does it?
Hannah: Not really, no. Well, it does, but it's way more in-depth and complicated and it seems like a bigger budget than usual. It feels like...
Me: "Doctor Who: The Motion Picture"?
Hannah: Yes, exactly! It feels like they've taken all the usual themes but suddenly been given way too much money, and they've all gone a bit mad and decided to make this great big epic. Everything's bigger and bolder without being stretched. It's still really, really good; in fact it's too good in comparison to many of the other stories. I'm not saying that's bad, but it's different.
Me: No monsters in this one, either.
Hannah: Apart from humanity.
Me: We've had wall-to-wall monster stories since the historical ones ended, so I thought you might find it a refreshing change of pace. In fact it's barely even science fiction, it's mostly just people.

Hannah: The only things that are wrong with it are quite small, like the very convenient coincidence that makes the entire plot work; the whole story hangs on the idea that the Doctor and Salamander look exactly the same. But I'm actually okay with it, because that's what all stories are; they're all "what if". "What if the Doctor looks like another man?" The story is well-told and enjoyable enough to get away with it.

Me: Well, it worked in The Prince and the Pauper, so if it's good enough for Mark Twain it's good enough for Doctor Who. Anyway, the William Hartnell and Peter Capaldi versions of the Doctor both look like other men, so it's possible that the Time Lord regeneration process uses existing people as organic blueprints and randomly selects them.
Hannah: Yeah, that's possible. And they also happen to bump into themselves at some point through some weird flaw in time and space.
Me: Well, he does get around a bit.
Hannah: Anyway, I don't mind. And the weird little comedic moments were fun; a little bit of salt and pepper sprinkled in. Because it was the chef, haha! See what I did there?

She's never been the same since our friend Sam told me she'd been reading the blog, and recklessly uttered the words "Hannah is funny."

Hannah: Hugely enjoyable. It's a completely different kind of approach to everything; there's action in other stories but it's usually sort of laid-back between those bits, whereas this is more like an action-thriller all the way through, and there are so many different strands of the story all happening at once. You get those things in other stories, but this one has got everything and it's all turned up to eleven. Overall, everything was just brilliant; I thoroughly loved every part of it, so I'm going to give it...

10/10

Hannah: This is one of those stories that makes me really happy that we're doing this. Thank you for showing it to me.
Me: So you're not grateful for seeing most of the others?
Hannah: It's on a different level. I'm enjoying everything, but then you show me one that's this good and I take back all the shit I've said about sixties television acting that I might have said previously. It's not Avengers: Infinity War, all CGI and shiny and modern, but it's brilliant in its own way.

Just for good measure, I decide to show her the DVD extra where Toby Hadoke goes on a treasure hunt to find out some new information about the production. I've already watched it and the ending reduced me to tears, so I'm hoping Hannah will find it equally moving.

Me: Are you crying?
Hannah: (wiping her eyes) No.

The Ice Warriors

Episode 1

Hannah: Is this one real?
Me: Mostly, yes. Episodes 2 and 3 are animated, but all the others exist.
Hannah: Huh. Okay.
Me: You sound surprised.
Hannah: I was geared up for not caring as much and not watching it properly, because I assumed it would be another missing one.

The first thing Hannah picks up on is the eerie, wordless singing over the story title.

Hannah: That singing is very annoying.

The next thing she notices is the bizarre sixties "futuristic" fashion and psychedelic jumpsuits worn by the base personnel.

Hannah: That's a stupid hat. Does she not realise that she's got a piece of perspex over her head?

The base itself appears to be located in an old Victorian mansion.

Hannah: This is very atmospheric, and there are lots of interesting visual touches; funky scientist costumes, lots of dials and flashy things... I like the juxtaposition of the old house, but it looks suspiciously like a money-saver from a previous story or another show.

We find Earth in the middle of a new Ice Age.

Hannah: Hello again, polystyrene wind machine blizzard! The people outside don't actually look that cold, as usual. Are those animal noises supposed to be wolves? Because they sound like chickens.

When the scientists find a large prehistoric figure frozen in the ice, Hannah is amused at their weary suspicion that it's going to be yet another mastodon ("I'm so sick of finding bloody mastodons!"). Elsewhere, the TARDIS has materialised on its side, forcing the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria to awkwardly climb out of the doorway.

Hannah: I still don't understand why the TARDIS doesn't have an inside gravity.
Me: It does later, in one story at least. But you'll have to wait a while.
Hannah: You mean when he works out how to turn it on?

It doesn't take her long to recognise Peter Sallis as Penley; she's familiar with Wallace and Gromit, of course, but she's far more well-acquainted with his starring role in the world's longest-running sitcom.

Me: "Cracking cheese, Doctor!"
Hannah: His nose looks a bit longer than I would have thought.
Me: Why is that surprising? You told me you used to watch Last of the Summer Wine.
Hannah: Yes, but I don't remember it being that long.

Emboldened by this rare success at recognising an actor, she turns her attention to Malcolm Taylor.

Hannah: Is he someone famous?
Me: Not really. Why, do you recognise him?
Hannah: I don't know.

Penley's friend Storr (played by Angus Lennie) poses the question: "Archaeology. What good's that?"

Hannah: I can tell you: nothing.
Me: Oh, I don't know. It's been serving the blog very well lately.
Hannah: Is he famous?
Me: I don't think you'd recognise him, unless you're secretly a massive Crossroads fan.
Hannah: Do you want me to just stop asking if everybody's famous?
Me: No. One day you'll get it right.

When the base leader Clent (played by Peter Barkworth, about whom Hannah doesn't make any enquiries) presents the TARDIS crew with the possibility of being evacuated to Africa, Victoria is horrified.

Hannah: (slightly taken aback) That's an... interesting thing for her to say. Why doesn't she want to go to Africa?
Me: Well, it's full of cannibals, isn't it? She's from the 19th century, remember.

Clent explains that the new Ice Age was caused by the reduction of plants, which in turn reduced the amount of carbon dioxide in the air and caused global cooling. Which would be all well and good, if it weren't for the fact that plants actually consume carbon dioxide and turn it into oxygen.

Hannah: What? No, no, seriously, what? Who wrote this? What the fuck kind of science books did this writer read? I don't even know how they managed to write... did they do any kind of research at all?
Me: You mean like GCSE science, for example? There must have been at least one or two dozen people who would have seen or heard the dialogue before it was filmed, and were in a position to make this right. And they didn't! It's like nobody involved in the production had any kind of school certificate. The basic chemistry of respiration and photosynthesis was no mystery at the time, so it's pretty unforgivable.

At least she's impressed with the Ice Warriors. Mostly.

Hannah: Very imposing warrior, even if it is made of rubber. Look at those rubbery pincers.
Me: They've already appeared twice in the new series and their design has barely been changed since this first appearance, so they clearly did something right in 1967. Also, one of the Ice Warriors in this story - and in all of their original stories, actually - is played by Sonny Caldinez, whom you may remember as Kemel from The Evil of the Daleks.
Hannah: Fair enough, he's a tall dude.

Episode 2

Hannah: Ah, the big rubber man with Lego hands has left his spaceship parked in the glacier somewhere.

But the newly-defrosted Ice Warrior can't decide whether to return home or stick around and conquer Earth, so he takes Victoria hostage to keep his options open.

Hannah: He was having a lovely chat with Victoria, asking how long he's been frozen and if she can help him, and then suddenly threatens the possibility of taking over a planet he hasn't seen the state of in several thousand years! He's all alone and out of time, and he has the balls to throw out the idea of attacking Earth and taking control. Bit rash.

Aliens notwithstanding, the stylish direction of The Ice Warriors seems to be putting her in mind of a Robert Altman film.

Hannah: There's a chatty, realistic feel to the dialogue and character interactions. It's not as stilted as some stories.
Me: In what way?
Hannah: The dialogue in this story seems to flow a lot more. There's a lot of realistic acting; people are actually reacting to each other by talking before the other one's finished, because that's what you do in real life. Either it's really badly rehearsed and they don't know each other's lines, or they're reacting more realistically to each other. Who directed this?
Me: Derek Martinus; he did Galaxy 4, "Mission to the Unknown", The Tenth Planet and The Evil of the Daleks. And also Jon Pertwee's first story, but obviously you haven't seen that one yet.
Hannah: Do I like them? I can't remember.
Me: It's a bit of a mixed bag.
Hannah: There's also some good background talking. There was a scene in the last episode where Clent was talking to someone as they were walking out of shot, and the Doctor, Jamie and Victoria were having a chat in the background; they weren't audible, or even in focus, but they were still talking to each other like they really would have done. It's good that the actors aren't just saying their lines; they're in the background having a chat, because that's what would be happening. Everyone else in the room wouldn't be silent whilst one person was talking.

She's full of praise for Peter Barkworth, too.

Hannah: The guy playing Clent is amazing; his acting is very lively and convincing.
Me: I think he's one of the very best guest actors in the entire show, honestly. Certainly during the original run.

Then she's struck by a sudden realisation.

Hannah: Why have they decided to have a Victoria? They've already had a Vicki, and now they've got a Victoria.
Me: Well, why not?
Hannah: It's just one of those things you don't do on TV shows; you try to make sure everyone has a different name.
Me: Yes, and you end up with ridiculous situations like Coronation Street or EastEnders where there's an entire street with no two people sharing the same name. Anyway, Vicki and Victoria are different names.
Hannah: I know, but Vicki is short for Victoria.
Me: No, in her first appearance she specifically said it was just "Vicki" and it wasn't short for anything. Not every Jenny is a Jennifer.

When the rest of the Ice Warriors are revived, I get the impression that their drawn-out sibilant voices might be starting to wear a little thin.

Hannah: He's hissing like an unhappy cat.

Episode 3

Hannah: I still don't like that singing.

Hannah is suitably moved when Clent tells Arden not to be too hard on himself for reviving the Ice Warrior, and that he would probably have done the same.

Hannah: This is all very, very human. More human than usual. There's not loads of backstabbing, it's just two strong men trying to hold it together.

In fact, we both agree that Peter Barkworth and Peter Sallis are by far the best thing about this story.

Hannah: Peter Sallis is a really good actor. I was sad when he died.
Me: He was 96 years old, so it wasn't a massive shock.
Hannah: I know, but he's one of the few actors that I actually knew. I don't know what else he's been in, but I watched all the Wallace and Gromit films and almost every episode of Last of the Summer Wine. He's the only actor who appeared in every single episode, you know.
Me: Careful, you're starting to sound like me.

The Ice Warriors have decided Victoria is useful enough to be kept around a bit longer.

Hannah: Because they only have Lego hands, so she has to do all the lifting for them.
Me: At least they can lift more than the Daleks. Or the Yeti. Or the Macra.
Hannah: Did they have the butterfly lady teach them how to act reptilian?
Me: No, amazingly enough, the alien choreography services of Roslyn De Winter were never engaged for Doctor Who again after The Web Planet.
Hannah: So somebody else had to come up with a style. Although it hasn't been established that they are reptilian yet, other than their appearance and their actions.
Me: They don't act reptilian, they just sort of lumber around.
Hannah: They make hissy sounds, and they've got scales painted onto them and those hearing holes in the side of the head.
Me: Yes, but they're Martians; they're not making reptilian movements, they're just moving slowly because there's less gravity on Mars and they're heavier here.
Hannah: Well, that hasn't been shown clearly.

I always enjoy it when Hannah makes an observation about the characterisation of the Doctor.

Hannah: Is he writing on the floor? Very Doctor-y. And he's standing up against people doing silly and bureaucratic things, like wasting time checking his figures on the computer when he knows he's right. And it also showcases his common streak of arrogance that the Doctors all share.

She also provides us with this little gem:

Hannah: That's a nice door. I like circles overlapping each other like that, like bubbles.

Victoria witnesses Jamie's apparent death at the hands of an Ice Warrior. Time to have some fun.

Hannah: (uncertainly) Have they actually killed Jamie?
Me: I'm afraid so.
Hannah: I've just noticed he's wearing something that looks like a plastic boiler suit over the top of his kilt.
Me: Yes, it's lucky that he came in his own body bag.
Hannah: How has he managed to split his kilt like that, so it's still covering his bits but going down each trouser leg?
Me: How do you know it's covering his bits?
Hannah: The Ice Warriors seem to believe that they've killed him, anyway.
Me: But do you believe it?
Hannah: What, that we would watch a companion die on screen like that?
Me: It's happened twice before. Remember The Daleks' Master Plan?
Hannah: Oh yeah, one drifted off into space and another one aged to death. But they weren't proper companions.
Me: Of course they were!
Hannah: No they weren't! They were only in it for one story, so they don't count.
Me: Katarina was in two stories.
Hannah: Yeah, but she doesn't count. She never will, for me. Ending one story and starting another, and that's it, doesn't count. And Christmas specials don't count.
Me: What about Adam?
Hannah: I don't remember him; he doesn't count.
Me: Does Bernard Cribbins count?
Hannah: Yes, because he's been in--
Me: He's only a companion in one story. That's fewer than Katarina.
Hannah: He flew in the TARDIS multiple times, didn't he?
Me: No.
Hannah: Then he doesn't count. I don't care what everyone else says; it's my view.
Me: Anyway, the point is that the precedent has been set. There's no reason they couldn't kill Jamie off in the middle of the story.

He survives, of course.

Hannah: (sighing) Through the power of plot.

Episode 4

Hannah: That's an annoying cliffhanger; it turns out that the Ice Warriors never actually wanted to shoot Victoria at all, because they remembered they had questions for her. How lucky for her. They just can't seem to make up their minds whether or not to kill her. They were never going to shoot her, so the suspense between episodes was completely false.

She's even more annoyed when an Ice Warrior walks straight past Victoria without even noticing her.

Hannah: How? How did she hide? He just walked straight past her!
Me: To be fair, those helmets don't look like they have very good peripheral vision.
Hannah: Then they've been designed very badly.

I may not have been able to convince her that Jamie was dead, but at least I can make the most of his temporary paralysis.

Me: Jamie spends the rest of the series in a wheelchair, like Professor X from X-Men.
Hannah: But one that can fly, yeah? Otherwise he'd be stuck as soon as they get out of the TARDIS.
Me: No, Victoria just pushes him around all over the place.

Storr tries to ally himself with the Ice Warriors, with predictable results.

Hannah: He knows that the Ice Warriors have already killed someone, as well as kidnapped Victoria and tried to kill Jamie, and he walks straight up to them; of course he was going to be killed just for being in the way. Did he seriously think he had anything to offer them? There's some proper peril in this story - people being shot, caves collapsing, guns being pointed - but some of the characters are acting a little silly, and it's detracting from the otherwise excellent tension-building.

But at least their sonic weaponry creates a nifty screen-warping special effect.

Hannah: I like the way it pinches the screen in, like a Snapchat filter.

Episode 5

Penley is forced to drag the paralysed Jamie back to the base on a travois. It doesn't look much fun for either of them.

Hannah: Poor Jamie. Poor Frazer Hines. Being lugged around on a sledge with someone flolloping all over him.

Penley and Jamie are attacked by a passing bear ("Aw, it's just a baby") but, apart from questioning whether or not Jamie should be familiar enough with Shakespeare to misquote Macbeth, Hannah doesn't say much for the rest of the episode. At least, not until the sparks fly when Clent and Penley finally meet for the first time since Penley walked out in disgust at Clent's blind trust in computers.

Hannah: Lot of morals and politics in this. But it's interesting.
Me: Ah, but that's the point. This is the real drama of the story, not the alien threat.

The cliffhanger sees an Ice Warrior trying to destroy the base with a sonic cannon, with the Doctor struggling to stop his hand from reaching the firing switch.

Hannah: It looks like the Doctor is trying to put the Ice Warrior's hand on the switch, not push it off. Maybe the actors don't know where their hands are, because they've got a giant mask and those giant rubber hands, so it's easier for him to do it the other way around and have Patrick Troughton trying to put his hand back on the knob.

Episode 6

The cliffhanger reprise allows Hannah to re-assess the situation.

Hannah: He was definitely pulling his hand.

The crisis goes from bad to worse when the Ice Warriors confront the humans.

Hannah: I like it when things happen that you weren't expecting at all; you can see the plot going off in a particular direction, and you think Clent is going to have a chat and maybe negotiate with the Ice Warriors, and then it's "oh shit, the man on the floor's got a gun!" He's been unconscious and doesn't know what's going on, so he just sees a threat and goes for it. He's ruined everything!
Me: Did you think that would be the thrilling conclusion? Clent and the Ice Warriors sitting down with a cup of tea and talking it over?
Hannah: No, obviously not, but I was expecting them to have a chat and then maybe he would fuck up somehow. But then suddenly there's a man on the floor, and now nobody trusts anybody.

The Doctor hits upon the idea of using vibrations against the Ice Warriors, reasoning that it won't affect the scientists too much because the warriors have a far greater fluid content than human beings.

Hannah: Well, we're already 60% water, so I don't see how that's going to help; it's a bit of a dangerous gamble to take, in any case. I don't see how them being just a little bit more watery is going to help; the difference can't be that much.

She's equally underwhelmed by Penley's tactics, which involve tampering with the thermostat ("Is he just turning the heating up?") and turning down the oxygen-level control ("Why does that even exist?"). In all fairness, he's also the one who takes the decision to use the ioniser at full strength; Hannah is rather hoping to see the aliens' heads bursting like melons, but instead it melts both the glacier and the spaceship.

Hannah: So they're hoping to destroy the Ice Warriors, then? Not actually set them free? Because if it went at half-power, and slowly set them free, they could just go away.
Me: They wouldn't go away, though. They'd kill everyone.
Hannah: They want Earth?
Me: I think they're just pissed off with humans at this point.
Hannah: I don't know why they didn't just do it slowly and let them free in the first place. Oh yeah, it's because the first Ice Warrior kidnapped Victoria the moment it was thawed out, because it had just woken up and it was really grumpy. So it could have all gone really well, and the scientists could have agreed to melt the ice round their ship and let them go, but the moment it woke up it took a hostage because they were fine-tuned to be warriors and do evil things.

As Clent and Penley pick up the pieces, they turn to find our heroes have already left the scene.

Hannah: He doesn't do clean-up.

The Score

Hannah: That was good. The Ice Warriors are such a good alien, because they don't just want to kill people, it's just that they were annoyed and pissed off. They sort of want to negotiate but also sort of don't, and it makes them a bit scarier because they're unpredictable.
Me: They're probably the only recurring monster throughout the series who are depicted as morally ambiguous, as opposed to being unequivocally evil.
Hannah: Yeah, they're complicated. So the writer has done a good job of making it realistically threatening all the way through; unfortunately he's also a complete and utter moron who thinks that having no plants means there's no carbon dioxide. But other than that, I like it a lot. There's a lot of complex characters, and I like those post-apocalyptic scenarios where society has been forced to shift into something else and become something new. It was well-acted and well-directed and everything, the only problem was the writing in a few places.

9/10

Me: Anything else?
Hannah: There could have been more snow.